Eric...not sure I understood what you meant about photo albums.
I was referring to Heather stating that her H slammed shut the chapter on them.
I was letting her know that's how I feel about what XH did to us. Slammed the chapter on us shut without any consent from me. Yet for someone that was so damn eager to slam the book shut, seems to "re open" the chapter and go back and reminsce about things. I have a few pictures. XH took the photo albums of us believe it or not.
One thing I want to say is that when we TRULY grasp that this MLC is COMPLETELY about the MLCer, things fall into place. I do know for myself, I needed to learn as much as I could about MLC before I really could see it for what it really was. And when that became more clear, I realized it was time to work on me.
It's true if the MLC is interupted, it's worse each time they leave. XH left 2 times prior to this last time. I knew a 3rd time was in the cards. Just didn't know if the 3rd time would make us or break us. Still not sure.
Im still asking questions about MLC. Because Im still learning the art of appreciating the MLC for what it is, and what it entails. I think a good way to think about it, is that an MLCer will fight you tooth and nail on anything. Don't try and explain to them they're having a crisis, because it's in one ear and out the other. It's like the LBS becomes the parent, and the MLCer the rebellious teen FROM HELL. Really our roles switch from husband/wife to Parent/child.
As a parent I've learned that there are many times where you must absolutely stand firm, choose your battles wisely, but when you choos that battle do not back down. Otherwise, let the kids go and allow them to learn...within reason. Treat the MLCer in the same fashion and it seems to start to smooth out after a while.
One thing Im also learning is a whole new way to communicate with XH and my kids. If you just tell them what you need and want from them, life is so much easier. You don't have to be rude, arrogant, or bossy about it either. Just make it clear!
I've told my XH a few times in the last few weeks that I NEED his help and WANT his help. Finally dawned on my dumb a$$ that the poor guy needs to be needed! No wonder he felt worthless around me because I just had to take care of everything...thinking it would make everyone happy! Then of course enter my issues. I thought in order to make him happy I had to be his door mat or servant. Sheesh, no wonder he lost respect for me, because I didn't have any respect for myself!
And no wonder he took in this OW in particular. She's been crying on his shoulder for 8 years and has ALWAYS asked him to rescue her. Getting involved with her made him feel a little more wortwhile I guess. Now she's kicking him in the teeth every chance she gets...even rubs her XH in his face! UGH, how awful is that?
