We all have to live our own lives, and deal with stuff inour own way.
From my perspective - your youngest son is in emotional pain, but it doesn't give him the right to damage your property. I don't wholly buy that 22 is the new twelve!
And as for WHY in the world you are cooking diner every night for your xh - that is frankly nuts. The guy doesn't want to be married to you. Do you want to be his housekeeper? is he paying you> Why are you worried about money. He is living in the house, and is responsible for the bills too.
MLC isn't rational but it does't give the WAS the right to live outside the normal world wrt to bills etc.
You are just so accommodating. Why didn't you challenge him handing you teh bowl? A big smile and 'Please put it in the dishwasher' would actually train him.
Did you wait on your husband and shildren when you were married and they were little? There may be some behaviours here to unlearn!!
The tapping is helping. I got some scripts online, an am doing those at night. You can customise those for your individual areas of concern. The Bob Yates stuff is good, he does some videos that you follow along and echo what he says.
Yes Beatrice, I need to start asking others to do what I want. I did have sort of a melt down over my granddaughters and the messes they make everytime they visit. I didn't yell. But I did say pretty loud that I can't keep cleaning up the same mess that their parents allow them to make everytime they visit.
And in case I seem harsh, I don't think finger painting yogurt onto my sliding glass doors EVERY SINGLE VISIT is cute.
He is paying part of the bills, too. It is just everything got more expensive. I had to pay for my insurance, my dental insurance, and I went to a specialist who isn't covered by my insurance. But if we get my thyroid stuff fixed I will be happier in the long run.
Today I am applying for some more jobs. Something is bound to work out.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Is H paying for half the groceries? (If not, he starts right now). If so - how about making a deal with him that he pays ALL the groceries and you cook?
If he won't agree to that - might be time to start practicing a really frugal grocery shopping plan anyway, for future financial well-being. Groceries and eating out are usually places in the budget where belt tightening can happen.
And meanwhile, while you are applying for all these jobs - spend your extra time making stuff you can sell, on Etsy or through local galleries. A little extra income will always help. Or pick up some dog-walking or babysitting jobs for extra cash?
As for your son - sorry you're dealing with that stress, my three are all suffering from some psych issues too at the moment. Make sure you check his thyroid (low thyroid of course can cause depression) and check him for gluten intolerance. Fish oil, blood-sugar-stabilizing diet, B complex vitamins, sunshine and/or vitamin D may all help his mood disorder tendencies. And maybe, since you BOTH need jobs, you can buddy up with him in the job search arena.
Hi, didn't mean to have a go at you , but boundaires are important, particularly after we have undergone the emotional abuse of infidelity and betrayal
I love to do things for people, but there is also respect for our space, and our well being. I agree, finger painting with Yogurt is not cute. Not on doors. Paper OK.
What about not having yogurt in the fridge, or just saying, not this time my darlings? It is so empowering standing up for ourselves. Honestly!!
I love you ladies! I never view your imput as harsh...... I suspect I would never be viewed as "thin-skinned". I believe strongly that when I put up on here what is bothering me, but what I can't see the big picture about, you all do.
Yes, I made a new rule for the granddaughters (Ages 5 and 3). They must eat frozen yogurt and popsicles out on the lanai. And no touching the doors/windows. And yes it was empowering.
Well Ellie, you jst gave me a huge thought with S22. He has had major stomach problems for years now. Has dropped a lot of weight. I bet you are right about the gluten thing. I will take him to his doctor, so I hear what the doc says and ask for those tests. Yesterday he decided he wanted to get an MRI to see if he had worms. Gluten seems more likely. And yes, I know they don't do MRI's to check for worms......
X is paying his share of everything. It is just that his taxes when he went in and put down SINGLE went up by $700. And the seperate phone make it $100 more between the two of us. And our credit card got compromised again, so we ended up switching around a ton of stuff we hadn't planned on switching yet. It is just a complicated mess.
Yes, I need to bring in some cash. Looks like a fine weekend to head to the flea market!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Dang, I left some stuff out. S22 did get another job, though part-time. And he works several other very part time gigs doing yard work and comically; junk sorting for this string of little old ladies. One hires him, then her friend, then her friend. He is a good-looking kid. And certainly a junk sorting expert!
Ellie, I am sorry to hear you are having problems with you sons. All we can do is keep doing the best we can!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Yesterday I spoke to my VA job counselor again. The job they offered me didn't work out, they ended up with 6 people for 3 spots. And I'm not a big priority to them, I am not living in poverty like many others seeking employment.
So now I'm offered another, better in theory, OJT opportunity. And I hope it works out. I've been applying for jobs and as far as decent jobs there just are not many.
I'm headed out tonight for a farewell bash for a friend who left the island recently to care for her sick elderly mother then rushed back when her daughter had her baby 9 weeks early. Talk about the "sandwich generation".
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
A fabulous job is waiting for you. I can feel it! Start repeating affirmations like "I deserve a job I love" and "Only good will come from this situation" and "A wonderful job is coming my way."
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Today was an interesting one for me. I was out trying to have heat stroke pulling vines and weeds and trees out of the really long hedge between our house and the neighbors. Technically it is his hedge, but he never does anything to it. And I actually live in a spot smack up to the mountain where it is "Rainforest". We get 300 days of rain a year.
Anyway as I was plugging away at the task, I had my iPod on shuffle. Dang! I have some crazy music on there! And as song after song played about heartbreak and dissapointment I found myself offering DB techniques to the sad singers of these songs. And not one of those sappy songs made me cry.
So as everyone told me: I do feel better. Time is the great equalizer. And some how or another, I am getting through this crap. I still have some hurt in my heart. But nowhere near what I had a year ago.
And I also had a great moment of clarity while pouring sweat earlier. If X really was so darn unhappy, then yes, he did need to be set free to find his own happiness. It isn't my job to make him happy. I hope he finds happiness.
He will always hold a special place in my heart. He and I both only ever did the best we could at the time. And that is all that can be expected.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
