I had bought the book The Journey From Abandonment To Healing months and months ago... but did not want to pick it up, actually felt like could not pick it up... was not able to face the fact that this may be the end, I guess... and the book signified for me that I was at the end for some reason.. ... I know that does not make any logical sense. I tried to read it once and just could not.. I was not ready.
Today I picked up that book and read the first 50 pages. It is a symbol that I am ready to face the reality of my sitch. It is hard to read, lots of tears, but it actually took away some of the anxiety I was feeling this morning.
It normalized everything I have been feeling and experiencing and related it to how the body reacts to intense feelings and how our past experiences intensify it. She calls it PTSD of Abandonment.. and that really resonated for me and explains why the symptoms keep reemerging and being triggered as W moves closer to D.
Love and peace to all here today.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
