What should I do? Which technique to use?

[jzoom]

I have and I have remembered your idea about trying to find a church that would offer it free. I have not brought up the subject with her though, I'm not sure how to do it.

Last night we talked and the first thing I did was rip up the notice to leave the house and told her that I don't want her and the kids to go but I understand if they decide to. I told her how I once I met her and the kids I felt like I finally had a family and that I know I messed everything up, that it basically all boiled down to me not making them feel wanted. I told her that we are both strong intelligent people and I know we will be ok if we don't stay together but that I think we could have a strong relationship if we do stay together. I told her that I understand it's something she has to want, that I can't force it.

She told me that ripping up those papers was a step in the right direction, that she didn't feel rushed now. She then started telling me about her reservations about commiting to working on the relationship, how she has to think of the kids first always. She's leaving everything in limbo, she won't say yes or no to working on things. That she doesn't understand how I changed so quickly from even yesterday morning. She said she just doesn't know what to think and wonders if I'll just keep acting the same old way. She told me her hurts, especially the things hurting from Thur. We both agreed that we got rushed into living together and we have both had the thought that maybe her moving out and us working on the relationship might be better but we aren't sure.

Throughout, I just acknoweldged her. I looked at her and listened and just took it in. When she was quite for a little while I asked if there was anything else like that she needed or wanted to talk about and she said no. So I took the opportunity to do a 180 and ask her about her day. We chatted about our days and I told her about work, something I haven't done in awhile without her pulling my teeth. We talked more like old times until she was ready to get to bed.

This morning, I got up before her and the kids and cooked bacon for everybody. I made hot chocolate for the kids. She was a bit put off by the hot chocolate b/c they were taking forever with it and she wanted to get going. She said thanks but not to do it again and I just nodded. She didn't have anything herself but before she left she did thank me for everything I did that morning and I just said you're welcome and wished her and the kids a good day.

I had to stop at Wal-Mart before work and as I was heading towards checkout saw her coming in to get stuff for the baby. She said that she had gotten a lot done that morning and we talked just a little.

She won't tell me, but I know she's applying for housing assistance and looking at apartments. I don't know what, if any, real impact my actions last night or this morning had. I figure that if she says she has an apartment and is moving out my best bet is to, as positively as I can, say, "that's great, I'm sure you and the kids will be comfortable and happy there."


So yeah, I'd love to bring up counseling with her. Tell her that we could try and find a church that would do it for free. I just don't know how, or if, I should.