"(Wife's first name), I hear you saying that X, Y and Z are tough for you right now. I get that; this is tough on ALL of us right now. We're each going to have to learn new skills if we're going to get thru whatever lies ahead, and although I didn't wish for this, I am excited about it when it comes to my own personal growth."
This is just my opinion but I'd leave this out if i were going to tell her that. I feel that it's passing blame like :"Hey! it was your idea and it's hurting us all". Maybe it's just me. A lot of stuff which is said harmlessly can be seen as aimed at guilting someone else. I guess it's all about intent in the end but I'd want to make sure she can't see a hint of my old behaviour.
I can agree on deleting the "I didn't wish for this" (it was merely meant to not sound pollyannish when you said that you're exciting about your prospects and growth). But I strongly disagree on shielding her from the opportunity to know that it IS her decision to have an affair, and to end the marriage this way, that is making things difficult.
