Why doesn't it make sense to tell him that he's having an identity crisis. Wouldn't that be a relief for him to know he's not a bad, crazy person? Why does he fight the truth?
If it comes from you, it will be wrong, no matter what you say, they will not be ready to face the truth until they have exhausted all other possibilities. Because all the other possibilities are pointing to EXTERNAL causes, and that is safer than the cause of their pain, confusion, etc being WITHIN.
It is hard for most people to look within, to look in the mirror...much less someone in crisis.
FWIW, if your H gets far enough in the process, he will eventually see it, and accept that he has to do the work (just like we LBS have had to see the person in the mirror and figure out what and how to change, and that we have to do it ourselves).
My W is at this point, she sees it, understands that she is going to have to do the work, that "things" external to her are not going to fix her...she is scared, but facing her reality, slowly, but surely. I have to remind myself to stay out of the way, not protect her from her truths while validating, encouraging and being still.
Hope this helps some...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
