Lois, They are neither sick or jerks. The mlcer is someone who had their emotional growth stunted at a very early age. As small children and young adults, parents and authority figures didn't validate and/or provide them enough affirmation and love along the way. Parents/authority figures tended to focus on other children and family members or made them feel like they were less than perfect. The children could have been abused emotionally, physically or sexually. The parents could have been addicts or abused alcohol. The child does everything to try to please the parents/authority figures and yet, it's never good enough. Their self esteem is shot and over compensation doesn't help. So, they take the abuse and stuff it down because they can't come back at the parent for fear of being punished.
As the years go by, each person goes through a life's transition. They begin as teens and continue through their lives. If, for some reason, they are unable to navigate through a transition, they will become stuck for a bit and when midlife hits, they will have a serious crisis. Those who navigate the life's transitions will have a far less serious crisis and it could very well be just a blip on the radar screen. It's important that when those having the serious crisis are acting out to leave them alone and give them as much space as they can choke on. We don't want them to get stuck, nor do we want to try to snatch them out of the crisis. If the serious crisis is interrupted, once they begin again, it will be far worse the second time around.
Many people identify the midlife crisis as an identity crisis. I tend to agree w/this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
