Limbo is NOT a place you want to be. What happens in limbo? Often:
- erosion of the family's finances, as sometimes two residences are maintained, legal fees are incurred (by one or both parties), family finances are spent directly or indirectly on the affair (gifts, large cellphone bills, trips, etc. etc.)
- erosion of the betrayed spouse's self-confidence, emotional health and sometimes even physical health (and I'm not even TALKING about the very-real STD issue here);
- strengthening of the emotional and physical bond between the affair partners. Affairs are highly addictive, and like most (all?) addictions, they usually ESCALATE before they ever peter out (if they even do).
- children (where applicable) suffer. Kids are sensitive, and the stress in a home that has been invaded by adultery is NOT pretty. Kids are left confused, hurt, sometimes unsupervised and almost always traumatized in some way. Just ask the now-adults of their parents' childhood affairs and divorces.
- The cheating spouse themself suffers. Contrary to what us betrayed spouses think, they are usually NOT enjoying their affairs. Trying to live the level of deceit necessary to pull it off is unbelievably stressful, the guilt tears at them, they often lose close family and friend relationships as those people learn about the infidelity, and cheaters often lose weight and overall physical health and rigor. They are often borderline or outright depressed. IT'S NOT PRETTY. Nor is Limbo. It's no way for anyone to live the life that God gave them.
Starsky
Affairs are portrayed by hollywood, poetry, and music as romantic. The post above gives you the brutal truth about it.
They're not romantic at all.
Unfortunately, your wife is infatuated. This means her hormones are completely out of balance over this guy. She will view this as romantic until you change that view for her.
Talking won't change it. You actually have to bring some of Starsky's points above into her life.
Legal actions Selling homes Child custody negotiations
Forcing your wife to think about these things brings the uglier side of infidelity to her doorstep.
That's the only way to shake them up out of their infatuation stupor.
She's sleeping until you wake her up. Not with words, with actions.
