Kicking a$$ and taking names!

[reachingHigher]

Snodderly, i continue to crave your advice. I long for H to be the mature man also. I do appreciate that up to now he hasn't spent more $ than he has and I'm looking forward to getting my name off his stuff.

T^2, I can't imagine my floundering ways to be helpful but so glad they are. It does generate good discussion.

ammc, I love walking too, but the mountain bike really thrills me. . I tried to remember the "diamonds" pic each time my children talked to me yesterday. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my sitch......trying not to.

Hopeful, thank you ....I continue to need to be reminded to give him space. He is searching so desperately and the demons that haunt him from his childhood or adulthood... It's really not his fault. He just has to be the man now and deal with them.

Gal, ever the practical one!!! I tend to be a little melodramatic sometimes so need to bring my feet down to earth. Yes! Staying off the roller coaster, I hope!!

Journaling:

H came by midday yesterday. He didn't say what I thought he would, but lately he never does.

He said he visited with L and was prepared to file yesterday morning but balked at the price of the D. He wants to find a way to do it cheaper since now he has to foot the cost of the bill.

He wanted to cuddle with me, which we did a while then I realized he really wanted to ML (still very baffling to me) so I cut the cuddling short.

He said our SUV and mustang are a wash with price of the Mercedes so we just have a Camry worth about $15K that S19 drives to college. I hadn't realized it was worth that much. H wanted a few tools and then just the spousal support amount and for how long is the biggest issue and I don't think we are too far apart on that.

He leaves today for his 2-week vacation trip and was telling me worries/details about that. Also a few details about recent parties he has been to.

I always thought people on the verge of D hated each other. I guess there are other reasons to D. I smelled alcohol on his breath and he said he had wine with lunch. I found it super strange he didn't have a beer when we went out to eat two nights ago. It was a nice sports bar and we always have a beer (he has two) with our sandwiches. And he only had about a mile to drive to HP.

I noticed the previous time he didn't have anything to drink either. I saw some hard liquor in his kitchen and since we share a credit card I see he goes to liquor warehouses, etc. Is he not drinking with me because he is developing a problem with alcohol and doesn't want to show it? I'm not familiar with alcoholics -- none in my family or H's. Just curious about it.

Do I say nothing about D? Do I plan on using my own L and asking him to pay for it? Would he be expected to?

Why does he keep wanting to ML when he said he doesn't want to any more and I agreed it was a good boundary?

He's been super nice lately too with buying things for S12 and me at the store that we need and offering to help more in the house. Guilt? Would I expect that behavior to dwindle after a while?

While I'm on a roll with questions, what do I do about Thanksgiving & Christmas? I mentioned Thanksgiving two nights ago and that I might take the boys to one of my sister's houses (a day's drive away). Sounded like H might come too! How weird would that be?

Sounded like if I have it here at home, H wants to come. Do I do that for sake of family unity or leave him lonely and possibly hooking up with someone else? Or is that a ridiculous thought since he has plenty of time to do that now?

He is looking for a pair of animal-print pants in his size for Halloween. Also, college football party on Sat. he said he bought tattoo stickers for his face but was disappointed no one else at the party had those or some of his other paraphernalia he bought regarding the college team (S19's school). This, of course, from a man who has always hated organized sports. Of course.

Trying to love his strange ways through all of this, yet remain detached.

Still very confused but feel like I'm staying off the roller coaster. Or am I?