Lost and confused

[Soul.Searching]

Hi,
My H: 31 and I: 29 have known each other since I was about 9 years old. I was 16 when we started dating, 19 when we got married, 20 when we had our D, 21 when we had our son. We have been together for 13 years and married for 9 years. We have a
Lot of the same interests and have always spent a lot of time together. We have had our ups and downs. The main things we ever fought about was 1: money, he likes to spend and worry about bills later. 2: he goes away for work and it's like he doesn't want to talk to me, when his away. He just likes to go out drinking everyday after work. Spending money we didn't have. 3: him lieing... He now tries to say he lied because of me but that's not true. I have seen/ heard him lye to probably every single one of his friends/ family over the years. It's just really petty stuff, that I don't even know why you would lie about.
Okay, so about a year ago we did go through a pretty rough patch but it felt like, he was just looking for fights and talking about leaving. We talked and everything was okay,... Or so I thought!! He also started exercising and buying new clothes, aftershave and eating healthier.
Okay, so last month he went away for work, while he was away, I tried to call him one night but both of his phones were off. He called at like 2 in the morning, claiming both his phones went flat. I know what his like with his phones!
So anyway when he got back, he was strange, distant! It got to the point where I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said no!! He left that night and went to his Mums house 3 hours away! I was shattered!!! One night I checked our bank account and seen he spent our last $40.00 at a florest. I called him and he said he was at a "old mates" house. I had never heard him mention this girl before. He denied buying her flowers and I begged him to come and talk to me. He did but didn't get here until about 4 am, after spending the day/ night at the beach, apparently talking about me. He admitted buying her flowers, which he said was just to say thank you for taking the time out to talk to him. He told me he kissed her about a year ago and was feeling guilty ever since. He said I didn't make him feel wanted and she did! He actually had me feeling guilty at one stage!
Well he came back and we were trying to work things out,Or so I thought.
I had a family member pass away and he was very supportive but he was still strange. He didn't want me to touch him and when we did do anything, he was strange afterwards. After a few weeks I couldn't take tha pain of him not wanting to touch me anymore, so I talked to him. That's when he said he loves me but is not in love with me. I asked him to define that and he said he doesn't get butterflies when he kisses me! Now he says that he just doesn't know if he has romantic feelings for me. He told me he was leaving me. He stayed for about another 5 nights before he left. He tried to get me to have sex with him the night before he was leaving but I couldn't. It felt like he was trying to use me. my car also broke down, so I haven't had a car for a month.
Anyway he left. I'd never really understood the term "heart broken" until he left. The pain was unbearable!! He tried to say that he was sick of all the fighting and that the fighting out weighed the good times. We had not been fighting though!
His story of why he left has changed so many times. I didn't call/ text him but he started calling / texting me all the time. Just telling me about his day, what bills he paid etc
I forgot to mention, he changed his status on Facebook the same night he left! So after about two weeks, I changed mine. Well he called me and asked me why I did! He then stated calling/ texting All the time. Asking where I was, who I was with etc he said he was confused and didn't know if he had made the right choice. Said he knows he loves me but not sure about in love.
Well then He went away for work and stopped calling, texting. He also started adding random females from the state he was working in to his Facebook. I also had another family member pass away. I sent him a stupid text message about him not caring, not calling while he was away and adding chicks he just met to FB
Well then the day he was coming home he called and went off at me because I hasent got the kids to call him! Well they get upset when he is away if they try to call and either doesn't answer his phone or is too busy to talk to them. Anyway, we didn't talk for days! Then my cat got hit by a car and ran down a drain I freaked out and I just wanted him. I started sending him messages saying I miss him and stuff, well he didn't really respond. So today was the funeral for a family member. He came and picked me up! He had the music up loud so that we couldn't talk. Well when we were there he was cuddling me and holding my hand the whole time! He didn't come to the wake. He dropped me off and left. I love him and I'm just so damn confused.