I am having a weird day. Went with my youngest to his follow-up to tantruming and breaking his hand and my bathtub. Saw an actual psychiartist. Who told my son to get a job, quit drinking booze and to smoke less pot...... JEEZE! Also told him to go back on the Zoloft. DUH!
Then S22 came down and spent the afternoon in the house (As opposed to his semi-detached studio apt.). He was beating on his computer, trying to fix it. I finally told him he had to quit making so much sudden type noises, he was making my chest hurt. I find violence, even towards inantimate objects, to be stressful.
So then he started announcing when he was going to make noise by saying: "Incoming" before he pounded on the computer. Which didn't help my attitude. I went further away from him in the house, and turned my music up really loud. He finally calmed down.
This set me off to a crappy evening. I'm trying to figure out how to pay all the bills. I sure hope one of the many jobs I've been applying for comes through. Because I don't like living on the edge. At all.
And I really want to tell my X off. I keep finding myself sitting with him after dinner. Which for whatever stupid reason I'm still cooking for him. And still shopping and buying his breakfast foods.
And I'm grumpy because I know I need to just get this part over. One of the questions I was asked early on was what was I getting out of my relationship with now X. I now see that I was getting nothing out of that relationship. He had quit being in it years ago. Maybe 12-13 years ago when he first told me he wanted a D.
I was/am just a creature of habit. I cooked another nice dinner tonight. X practically licked the bowl the chicken enchilladas were in. Did he even say thank you? Nope, just handed me the bowl. Which I dutifully put into the blankey-blank dishwasher.
What a guy! Okay, off to tap this out of my system!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
