I loved the 'hit him with my cane'. Personally I am not going to be a little old lady with a cane. If I can survive MLC I am not going to hobble around in old age. Get my hips done, have physiotherapy, take the tablets and boogie!!
Anyway, on a more serious note, if we must, a lot of MLC is about the WAS having separation anxiety [usually associated with abandonment issues]. They are actually too close too us [or were] and felt stifled and without their own identity. They also tend to see us as very capable and strong.
The OP is normally a needy mess [to be honest if they aren't it probably isn't MLC] Our spouse is the big strong hero/heroine who is going to rescue them One of my friends who doesn't post here any more had a husband who went off with a bi-sexual, bi-polar drug addict with STDs.
It hurts tremendously in a way that no other pain hurts, but in time it comes to hurt much less. I still miss my xh, but I have created a very nice life on my own.
The warm feelings towards my xh come and go, a bit like a flickering light switch. I went through a period of feeling warmer than I do now. I am not angry or bitter, I just don't care as much about him as I did. What he did to us all was really horrible, for whatever reason. And I know the MLCer is in pain, but nothing gives others the right to do as they like without regard to the feelings of other people.
Part of coming through MLC is understanding that, I believe, and is yet another reason why they remain stuck.
