Yeah, the analogy really helped me to make sense of some things... it fits my H's behavior to a T.
I'm glad to hear that it resonates for other people who have experienced depression. At least I know my C is as solid as I think he is. I can only hope my H sees someone equally pro-M and solution-oriented.
Well, H got his meds yesterday. I don't know what he is taking. He had already dropped the script off and did not recall the name.(??)
Here is our latest: H called me to get his insurance card (he'd had to reschedule picking it up midweek for work reasons) so that he could pay for the meds. I invited him to have lunch with me, since I was out of the office and about to get lunch when he called. He said "I guess so", so I gave him an out that he did not take, and we had lunch.
We had an OK lunch. The place was a zoo and loud. H did not want to talk about himself and was in a quiet mood when he arrived. Answered work Qs with one-word answers. But became much more talkative when I talked about me-- my work situation, money, what I was up to that week.
Positives: he told me about getting the meds, took me up on lunch (he could have just met me at the sandwich shop I was already at), was definitely interested in stuff I have going on and offered ideas about my work challenges.
I had just picked him up a little box of fine chocolates and card for Valentine's Day moments before he called me. I had decided something small would be good, since he welcomed my initiative on his birthday. But I didn't want to do anything major, just a little token "something". (Little background here: Last V-Day was pretty emotional as he called me at work and told me he wanted to come home.)
Not sure if this was the best idea... but part of my reasoning is that during the bomb, one of my Hs complaints was that he felt there was a lack of little things showing him he was loved. And I've experienced firsthand that sometimes when he withdraws and asks for space he is really wanting something other than that. Now part of that is him learning to ask for what he wants because I don't read minds... but I feel that I did need to improve in terms of showing him in his one of his own LLs. Esp. when my thyroid was out of whack... there was a period when I was struggling to get through the day sometimes, never mind doing all the little things "just because".
I gave it to him after lunch and he wasn't expecting it. I had NO expectations of him reciprocating-- this is me choosing to create the kind of R I want by my actions.
H said it "kind of made him uncomfortable" and he wished I hadn't gotten him anything. He also accepted it.
I thanked him for sharing those feelings with me and told him that right now, I don't always know what will be uncomfortable for him and that my intention of course is not to create discomfort. He seemed more relaxed after that.
Of course, then I get home at night to find yet another insurance form he needs to have in my mail. You'd think they'd send these things all in one packet!
OK. I feel fine about his reaction to the chocolates. But I am struggling with the overall withdrawal, even though I have a lot of Wonder-things (challenges, work, plans with friends) coming up in the next few weeks.
I think it's kind of a pain how I am so involved in my own life, yet still am bothered by Hs withdrawal.
And my birthday is also coming up... H was just amazing on my birthday last year. Not sure what will be this year.
