5 months in

[Tessa2012]

My story confuses me at times.

H have been living with his folks since 4 months after we were married. We were living in his grandparents place rent free and his folks were consolidating the 2 homes that they own. Since we couldn't afford our own place, we moved in with his folks. We have our own space in the basement but whenever his folks need him, they either call or yell down the steps. This put a straign on the marriage from the beginning.

H and I have joked about D for a few years. I've always told him that I wasn't going anywhere and that he was stuck with me. We always laughed it off.

H went from talking to me when things upset him to holding it all in. I would give him some time to himself and then I would ask if everything was ok. After being told "Don't worry about it" so many time, I gave up asking. We're still intimate.

Past year/year & half he bounced between M & D a lot more often. Jan, I loose my job but pick up another one w/in the same week. H upset that it's less $. Jan/Feb made the mistake of mentioning his depression and he got upset. We're still intimate.

H started helping female friend cope w/her marital problems. Her H is causing problems. Her H wanted to talk to me but she changed his mind.

Beginning of May he posted on my FB that he loved me more ea day. We're still intimate. H changes jobs. By the end of the month he was done. He wrote me a "Dear John" letter and sent me a text to let me know it was waiting for me at home. ILYBNILWY

Beginnning of June, female friend's D is final. I find out she's OW (EA). H contantly texting me at work asking about D, lawyers, $, etc. I visit Dr. get meds and set 1st IC appt for July on bday. Intimate again. Found concert tickets and got excited because I thought it was for my birthday. Found computer history if H looking up tattoo of OW's name.

Emotional appt. & came home to H negative because I questioned the tattoo appt he was going to schedule. Intimate even though we were upset. Couldn't sleep and H's phone kept buzzing w/texts. Glanced at phone and saw intimate msgs from OW professing her love and claim to H. It pissed me off and I didn't say anything when he 1st woke up. I let him read her texts before I professed my love and devotion even though our relationship was rocky. I asked about the tickets and found out they were for a buddy of his and he hoped I didnt' see them. I reminded him that he used the joint account and since I do the bills it couldn't be missed. I think he apologized but I can't remember. H mentioned OW is crazy.

H started working a job on the side to earn more $ and begins spending his nights with the guys that he's working with. He pretty much moved out of the house.

Sometime at the end of August or start of September H dropped HUGE BOMB. He wants kids but not with me. He doesn't want to be in his 40s and just having kids. He's 4 years younger than I am which set me off even more. He told me he wanted kids the year prior but said he lied. This time he told me that it was a mistake when he told me before because he didn't think I'd be excited about the prospect of having kids. I married him with the understanding that he didn't want kids. I gave up my dream of motherhood for my desire to marry the man I love. He continued to say that he was upset when my older sister (44) had her 1st baby because it showed that I could still have one.

H agreed to go to next therapy session. I was an emotional reck because it was only a few days after bomb. He admitted to being selfish in his decision becasue he was being a grown-up and making his own choice to end the marriage. He doesn't believe he needed to discuss it with me. He also said that he was tired of doing everything to make everyone else happy. He needed to focus on his own happiness. H never attended another session. H mentions that OWs husband is causing issues. I mentioned that last time he said OW was crazy. He covers saying that he was trying to protect me and OW from OWs Ex.

Come to present day:
- H admitted to helping OW break up her marriage.
- We're still intimate.
- I'm taking positive approach to life / H.
- H's talking to me more (life not D/relationship)
- H's still talking, texting, visiting OW
- OW has drama again and H came to her rescue.
- H still wants D; not kids w/me

I found this website and decided I need some non-biased support. I've also borrowed DR from the library. I finished the first read in 2 days.

H agreed to anniversary dinner. I asked for it since it may be our last. We're going to go to the same restaurant as the day he proposed (at home). Today he mentioned that going there would tarnish the place considering what was coming. I told him that it wouldn't tarnish the place if we go with the intention of enjoying each others company. "No strings, No battles"

We'll see what happens. In my heart of hearts, I know that he's in the midst of a MLC along with the EA of the OW.

I'm NOT ready to give up!