The hard part, for me, is that he seems to have shut down a big chunk of himself where we are concerned. There's this block.
Ever since we were kids, I could sense when he was near, coming home on leave or abt to call me.
I still have the feelings, but he doesn't follow through. Like maybe he wants to text or call, but holds back. So, no text comes. The only thing to do is trust our connection and trust God will lead me, us? through this valley. I learned the hard way that my forcing the issue (for the past 8 months) didn't work, only made things worse.
I hate to admit it, and I don't know what to call it... soulmate, true love or maybe just some deep connection two people have. I have always had it with H and a part of me knows I will never experience anything like it again. I may love again. I may be happy again. Regardless of what happens. But, I don't think I will feel this connection with someone else ever again. I'm not even sure I will ever be able to feel it with him because of the damage he has done. It makes me feel very sad. Like a chapter of my life is closing before I'm ready. And, I'm furious with H for allowing this precious thing to get all distorted and dirty.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
