My Story Part 4: New Beginnings

[timbits]

thank god that today is over. i found it really rough to get through the day. i found that i was very distracted, and it was hard to stop thinking about stbxh and his spew. it just made me really angry. i mean, what right does he have to dump that on me? it's his problem now. when he "fired" me as his wife, i also quit being his secretary.

it's almost like he knows i'm doing well and he wants to bring me down. and here i was thinking that things were going well. i even knew about him and ow before it was confirmed, and i was letting it all go, not letting it get under my skin. well, he's succeeded in getting under my skin. i'm just so angry at the two of them. him, for the obvious reasons, and her because she was supposedly my friend. i would NEVER do that to another woman. i don't care what reason he gives. a married man is unavailable. and to think she used to be my "friend". it just makes me sick. it's like being betrayed all over again.

it's almost like his email was a catalyst that brought all of this anger out. maybe i was kidding myself with my calm, zen-ness. i'm definitely not zen at the moment. and being angry doesn't feel good and it doesn't make me feel any better. i want to let it go, but i just can't. it's still too raw. i guess i just have to feel it for now? ugh. hate this.

i made a big pot of goulash tonight (american chop suey, if you will, but we always just called it goulash when i was a kid). this was my favourite meal when i was little, and i find it very comforting. i throw in a few things i didn't when i was younger (garlic, mushrooms, bay leaves, etc), and it's cheap, easy and tasty. it will do well for my lunches this week. and i still have tons in the freezer. i've got bellydance tomorrow night, wednesday i have dinner for a work event and thursday night i plan on baking an apple struesel cake. i'm going to my aunts cabin on friday night with my mom, cousin's wife and her three year old daughter. bea is coming, too, so it will be a nice girl's weekend, lol. hopefully being busy will prevent me from stressing out so much. distraction, while maybe not the best coping mechanism, does certainly work in a pinch. haha, i just typoed that as punch. maybe i need to try boxing? it would help get out some aggression...