I'm sorry for posting so much. I'm new and, right now, this forum is my lifeline. I only found out about the PA a month or so ago. It's killing me imagining what they are doing. I know he is prob living with her and it makes me nuts.
He has gone completely AWOL as if we don't exist.
I like what you said about trusting your Higher Power. So far, my God has given me dead-on info when I needed it. Everything from the drugs to the OW were hunches I had before H had his Big Reveal (caught them together with my D10). My gut tells me that she is convenient. She is easy--so to speak- and expects nothing from him, only that he give her his undivided companionship in return for drugs and booze. The best part is she won't nag about his drug addiction and she tells him what to do. I'm sure he is hating himself for all this--At some point, I believe she will get old--I think things need to settle down some though. For all my faults, I wasn't a major control freak when it came to his whereabouts. I'm thinking her insecurity about us will force her to hold on tight--at some point, he will resist.
H has seen us only a handful of times since he moved out. Maybe fifteen times since Feb? I think she has been the source of this separation--not to let him off the hook-but H still loves us and she knows it. Coming to the house and seeing us must be really scary for her.
I, however, have been a reactionary mess and made things much worse. I allowed my emotions to run the show. I'm pulling back now--not sure how much damage was done though. I do think H is trying to convince himself that he loves this woman in order to justify his insanity. He has isolated himself from me, his kids, his parents, his brother and sister and his best friends. He now has a completely new set of friends.
It's all so insane. As much as I hate it, I know I'm not ready to reach out to him. I have more work to do. Kills me what new damage he is doing to our marriage on a daily basis. But, it is what is.
My feelings go up and down constantly--I have moments where I feel confident things will work out, followed by a moment of absolute despair. Sometimes I think my feelings are directly connected to how he is feeling. Moments where my gut tells me he has convinced himself his new life is exactly what he's always wanted. Then, moments where he is confused, followed by these feelings of certainty that he wants to come home. Today, I feel a fog--like he's just going through the motions and not thinking too much about anything but what's right in front of him.
Anyone else experience this? Maybe it's must massive denial? But, I don't think so.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
