Wowzers everyone! Thanks for chiming in and keeping this post rolling! I look forward to chiming in and commenting on new posts here.
Holy crap I don't know where to start. I was going to start with good news....XH and myself actually on the same page for ONCE and are parenting with one another! Still having issues with D9.
Lets go back to square one, which is me always reminding myself to act authentically in order to live authentically, therefore chose my actions accordingly.
This morning I sent XH two home movies and a long text in regards to D9's serious tantrums and anger issues that are baffling the crap out of us both. I then swallowed my pride and told him that I needed and wanted his help with the girls, but I allowed my ego and pride to NOT ask him for it this past year, and that wasn't right of me.
He responded much later taking me up on the idea that he still picks the girls up for school on the mornings Im here, in order to help keep boundaries firm as parents together that D9 must go to school. I can't tell you what a relief it is to feel a little support from him.
D9 appears to have had it with life and is having a nine year old life crisis and is trying to DROP OUT of school. Believe me we're tying to see if there are issues physically, or perhaps there are problems with friends and possibly gettintg bullied at school. D9 denies this....but D9 is also much like XH MLCer. Stuff it down and lash out.
NOW.... for the OP issues! LoisB....Wow the "OW" in your life sounds alot like the "OW" in my life.
I guess this is the year of validation for me. For everything I had figured out on my own with very little clues has turned out to be true between XH and OW. Spot on intuition is a blessing and a curse. Accepting guideposts and messages from the Divine is all that's kept me going, yet believing that some how some way my XH and myself will find peace between us again.
OW is making my kids life very miserable when they go to see their Dad.
Lois, the only way to make sense of complete nonsense is to develop an appreciation (if you will) for the MLCers irrationality. I like to say that our new Normal with an MLCer is our new ABNORMAL. If you can learn to start putting a backwards spin on things, then unforuneatly after a while you get used to this weirdness.
I think part of them hooking up with people that obviously seem to have some pretty big issues themselves is that it's some sort of sense of safety and control. These people tell them everything they want to hear. They agree with the nonsense of what the MLCer tells them about us. I think the MLCer and OP are more than likely on the same emotional and maturity level, therefore they can relate to one another.
Bea said "They seem to choose an OP who plays to the shadow part of them . . . ."
This is very true with my XH's OW. All I can say is that XH had a dark side to him, and she came along and just continues to feed the fire in that dark place. I know this because his thinking and the way he relates to me has become so damn distorted at times, it's like he's been brain washed. The MLC that resides within him eats this up like candy to a child.
For me, Im learning that standing my ground, and being honest and firm with him when it's called for is paying off. I have no intention to offend him nor do I have the desire to fight with him. But as an advocate for our children and standing up for myself I will chose my battles wisely with him. And if I go toe to toe with him I will do it and I do not care if he's offended. Though he very well may not listen, there are many things XH needs to hear. I have no problem being the messenger, but obviously with anyone in MLC whether or not they hear that message is a crap shoot! Truth Darts is all we can do and hope for the best.
