SS, I did have fun!! And I worked hard on a new project. But after all this time of having fun without H, I really missed him after seeing him 2 fun weekends in a row!
Sue, I will definitely have to check out your thread. It sounds like a wonderful turn of events for you!
I am very serious about piecing my M. And my H has been saying the same... and after re-reading DR this a.m. I saw myself in the part about wanting reassurance instead of letting things progress. So there you have it. Guilty as charged. I can see a direct relation between me pushing a bit for that and him withdrawing. Obvious, but I kind of missed it for the first few days.
Livn', isn't the $$ thing frustrating!? My H is sharing an apt. short-term while I'm trying to find a roommate short-term... makes little $$ sense but he needs the space right now he says. If that is what he needs, that is what he needs, but the financial impacts for both of us aren't too good.
I suggested we consider tackling some things together but got zero response. So I think the better handle I can get on my own finances, then that will only help our interactions.
My situation was actually fine a year ago... but I was hit with an unexpected pay cut (economy) and some emergency house and dental bills on top of it. I know I can turn it around, but frankly, it would be so much easier if we did it together. My H also has financial issues of his own and told me he owes OW money. He has said a few times that he doesn't feel right about bringing any of that debt into my life. So there are a few things at work here. Plus the depression.
Here's what has been happening in our sitch since my last post.
1. My H decided to get help for his depression. His first appt. was last week. This is huge. It is also one of the goals I'd set for us--that he'd come to that place. (I hope he chooses a pro-M counselor.)
2. He has completely withdrawn from me, saying he needs to get his head turned around before he can deal with him and I. Other than insurance, he seems to want no support from me. Our past few conversations have been short-- in length and in tone.
3. He told me he was sorry I didn't like his decision to keep dog at OWs. His rationale ("he doesn't know what the dog would do" without company) is at odds with the fact that our dog has been here several times alone and exhibited great behavior. I decided to drop that subject. He knows how I feel about it.
4. My MIL who keeps trying to put herself into the middle of our M has now decided H is not well. Interesting to me since she's been talking alien speak for a long time (calling me bitter and not to be believed, if my H is having a tough time, it is because of me, etc.). Her meddling (incl. calling OW to find out what's up with her son) is causing more stress for H and it infuriates me. I do not see her these days and that is probably a very good thing. The thing is, my H told me for years that MIL was "unstable" ... I never experienced it firsthand before all this.
So... that is where things seem to stand. H has made an incredible amount of steps. Other than being at ease with me and opening up (which he started to do), he's met all the R goals I'd set. Perhaps I should set more and keep giving him space while also letting him know I'm here? That is what seems to be working.
