Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

And on a different note, she finally picked up the house. I stopped picking up after her and was picking up everything AROUND her stuff. She cleaned the kitchen and did laundry yesterday.

[leopoldstotch]

SG I have read your story and you should check mine out. Unfortunately I'm experienced in affairs and I see a few red flags. Will check in later when I have time to explain

[someguy1233]

SG I have read your story and you should check mine out. Unfortunately I'm experienced in affairs and I see a few red flags. Will check in later when I have time to explain

Well that adds a bit to the anxiety today.

[roughenough]

I know SG, I understand. There’s no way around the pain, other than going through it. Personally, I’ve had to deal with an affair and anxiety. Back to the FB thing, a lot of it has to do with self-preservation. I know this might sound a bit odd but I view it as snooping, in a quasi way. It all depends, if you feel the intel is important, go for it. I take a strong stance on this subject because my W did a lot of questionable things when it comes to FB.

I can now look back to the beginning of our separation, when we lived together. I would have done a lot of things differently. I didn't go out on a limb because I didn't want to stir the pot over an array of issues. I believe your reading some books, which ones? I am sure it’s posted in your thread but what are some of YOUR shortcomings and what’s W’s biggest complaints?
__________________________
Freshman class of 2012
Me(M):38
W:43
Together: 14 Married: 11
D: 4
S:8
W wanted separation 5/5/12
Stopped living together 5/5/12

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”.
Thomas Jefferson

[someguy1233]

I know SG, I understand. There’s no way around the pain, other than going through it. Personally, I’ve had to deal with an affair and anxiety. Back to the FB thing, a lot of it has to do with self-preservation. I know this might sound a bit odd but I view it as snooping, in a quasi way. It all depends, if you feel the intel is important, go for it. I take a strong stance on this subject because my W did a lot of questionable things when it comes to FB.

I can now look back to the beginning of our separation, when we lived together. I would have done a lot of things differently. I didn't go out on a limb because I didn't want to stir the pot over an array of issues. I believe your reading some books, which ones? I am sure it’s posted in your thread but what are some of YOUR shortcomings and what’s W’s biggest complaints?

I'm currently re-reading DR. I plan to read How to Win Friends and Influence People for myself.

I can tell you want my W's complaints were during our last go-round 6 months ago. This time she refuses to talk about what the issues are. She said we've been through this cycle enough times and that there's no need to rehash why our relationship doesn't work.


Complaints last time (and current status):
*I Didn't help out enough with S (I changed and do now)
*I Didn't help out around the house enough (I changed and do now)
*Stop making her feel guilty for going out with friends (I failed at this)
*Participate in her activites such as Yoga, exercise, vegan conventions/outings (I failed at this)
*Check in on her feelings towards our sex life as they needed improvement (thought I was doing ok, but believe I didn't follow up on this enough)
*Do things for me to become more interesting such as read, go out with friends more, etc. (I failed to do this)
*Talk about or relationship more (I failed to do this)
*Get up with S more often when he wakes in the night and do it willingly (I got a little better at this)

[leopoldstotch]

I'm sorry to make you anxious SG it's not my intention. You need to be prepared for the possibility of OM and if that is a deal breaker for you. Of course you know your W better than we do. Having said that here is what caught my attention.

I got home from work and she made dinner for the three of us. She briefly asked how I was doing, "I said I was doing good, all things considered." she said she was doing about the same. We played with our son and got him to bed. She left to meet up with a friend from high school that she hasn't seen in years. I'm still so confused how we got here again. Two nights ago she snuggled me on the couch. The day before that she said we needed to spice up our sex life and initiated sex. Two days ago she talked about how we (together) would discuss sex with our son when the time came... All things for the future. I'm so lost._______

Do you know for absolute certain that she met up with a friend from H.S? To me that seems strange and out of the blue. Her telling you that you need to spice up your sex life and initiating sex could be her way of throwing you off the trail if you know what I mean. How often has your W ever talked to you about your sex life like that? The other red flag was when you came home and she was in pajamas telling you she was going to her girlfriends to spend the night. That to me doesn't sit well and girlfriends will stick up for each other. SG I hope I'm dead wrong because I know the pain all to well. What does your gut tell you? My gut told me something was wrong and I ignored it and it was right twice. I gotta get back to work. Check in with u tonight.__________________

[roughenough]

Thanks SG, this is important information. Do the two of you argue a lot or would you say you avoid conflict?

[someguy1233]

I'm sorry to make you anxious SG it's not my intention. You need to be prepared for the possibility of OM and if that is a deal breaker for you. Of course you know your W better than we do. Having said that here is what caught my attention.

I got home from work and she made dinner for the three of us. She briefly asked how I was doing, "I said I was doing good, all things considered." she said she was doing about the same. We played with our son and got him to bed. She left to meet up with a friend from high school that she hasn't seen in years. I'm still so confused how we got here again. Two nights ago she snuggled me on the couch. The day before that she said we needed to spice up our sex life and initiated sex. Two days ago she talked about how we (together) would discuss sex with our son when the time came... All things for the future. I'm so lost._______

Do you know for absolute certain that she met up with a friend from H.S? To me that seems strange and out of the blue. Her telling you that you need to spice up your sex life and initiating sex could be her way of throwing you off the trail if you know what I mean. How often has your W ever talked to you about your sex life like that? The other red flag was when you came home and she was in pajamas telling you she was going to her girlfriends to spend the night. That to me doesn't sit well and girlfriends will stick up for each other. SG I hope I'm dead wrong because I know the pain all to well. What does your gut tell you? My gut told me something was wrong and I ignored it and it was right twice. I gotta get back to work. Check in with u tonight.

Thanks for the follow up, I appreciate it!

I can see how these things could be signs of there being OM. I'm not trying to brush the possibility under the rug, but my gut honestly tells me there isn't a OM. I've been down that road with her in the past and none of the past red-flags are present. I *never* told her what those red-flags are either... Once you've been through a situation with OM I think you're always on the look out for those red-flags.

I still check the car for odd receipts, CDs, things that are different. Clothes, etc. used to be a huge tip-off as well. I haven't seen any of that going on.

[someguy1233]

Thanks SG, this is important information. Do the two of you argue a lot or would you say you avoid conflict?

Prior to the most recent bomb, we argued A LOT. We had horrible communication. Now, I act as-if. The only conversations we have are regarding our son, and there isn't much conflict.

[someguy1233]

W just emailed me,
"What are your plans for tonight?

I might be late getting home if that’s ok, but can you talk tonight?"

I feel like avoiding her. I think that's what I did all weekend. Maybe it's time to man up and have her talk? I can't keep running from it?