Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

You know, I have a lot of compassion for my H with this POW.

I felt an extraordinarily strong connection with OM1. Because I was at a point in my M where I didn't feel that way with my H, I allowed it to run rampant in my mind and engaged with OM1 in a way that I wouldn't have done if my "love tank" had been full. OM1 and I became very close and I cherished his friendship.

My personal beliefs are that people are connected from previous lives and so when we meet or encounter people who we feel are kindred spirits or who we feel very connected to, we probably have had past lives with them. As such, there is nothing we can do to erase these feelings. They just are. What we can control is how we choose to engage with the other person based on this reality of intense connection.

So, if I assume my H feels this way with POW, I have to let that be. I know that I still miss OM1's friendship and giving him up for the sake of my M was excruciating. I know that H needs POW's support right now in a way that I cannot provide, and I also know that nothing I could do or say would change his mind about it. He feels connected to her and it is up to him how he chooses to handle that. Me getting involved will only make that worse.

H and I just talked for half an hour about our son, which moved into a discussion about the school and the other parents... it was a nice talk. The kind of talks we don't have enough of.

I'm focused on being a better W and a better person. I'm meditating on peace for me and for my H, and allowing my energy to be available and open to good things. I have to set H free if that's what he needs right now, but doing my best to love him despite it. So if this is detachment, well, maybe I guess I'm getting there. It's weird, it feels almost peaceful.