Do not focus at all on HIS "flaws", or what you believe HE ought to work on.
Do not take his temperature, or check to see if he's "getting" it or liking it or any of that.
Just do YOUR WORK. If you are honest, you have a lot of it to do.
Totally agree. I'd also add, remember that you will both get different things and at different speeds. Don't have any expectations. Take it as it comes. When it comes time to discuss things, listen and validate.
Thinking of you unbidden. Wishing you a successful weekend.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I'm thinking about you today. I hope your weekend is going well.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks, all my DB peeps. I am still exhausted from the weekend. The Retrouvaille experience was truly phenomenal for H and I. It really does give you new skills to communicate in ways that seem almost too easy but work profoundly. We have already had occasion to use them when we had an issue driving back from the weekend in separate cars and H couldn't get a hold of me while I was driving. Instead of leading to conflict and blaming, I got to see quickly how significant the issue was to him and respond cleanly. I couldn't have done that before. H, to his credit, so felt the value of these new communication skills that he, on his own initiative, asked that we commit to continuing the dialogue every day and is going to use the techniques on himself to better understand his own feelings about things. And for those who wonder, H did not find the weekend overly religious at all. I would not say that we are officially at the piecing stage yet but the weekend showed us both how much we genuinely still loved each other and that a different future might be possible than the separated track we are on. Many of the couples there had already separated or filed for divorce yet the majority seemed to have recommitted to their marriage or at least to trying to continue their marriage in some way. All good. So I wold totally recommend this to anyone who can get their spouse to go. It's totally, totally worth it. Let me know if you have specific questions or want more info. Love you all and thanks for so much support over these last months
