What should I do? Which technique to use?

[jzoom]

All good points from MrBond and AnotherStander. I'm going to re-read them and think about them rather than just start some sort of point-by-point debate.

Fri I did post a 30 day notice to quit which is the first step before going through the court for eviction. Sat I sent her a text and said that I'd like to talk with her about where each of us wants the R to go and I apologized for over-reacting Thur. We finally sat down Sun evening and talked.



I apologized for Thur, that I used a hot button issue to get an extreme reaction, and she immediately said that if I was sorry why were the notices still up. I told her that I was apologzing for my actions, for the way I did it. I then gave her ILYBINILWY because that's how I really feel. I told her that I love and care for her and the kids but I have no "in-love" feelings.

Interesting thing, she still trusted me to hold the baby and she wasn't afraid to be in the house alone with me because I had offered in the text to go to a public place to talk.

I told her that I think we are both capable of developing a happy, healthly R. I apologized for starting a downward spiral of disrespect by treating her like a piece of meat. She then started listing off all the wrong I have done along the way and I counterd a couple of times. I then let her just go for a bit and get it out.

After she got a few more things out and was quite, I said to her that I see no point in us just going at each other like we have for months. I said that if we want to work on things then we should talk about how to move forward and fix things and that if we aren't going to work on things (or if we talk about how to fix things and realize we can't) then we should talk about how to part ways without hurting each other more.

She was crying through most of this and it was the first time she really cried in front of me. She has cried before but usually would go to another room or hide her face until she calmed down b/c she didn't want me to see. She was quite and I wasn't talking, just waiting for her. She eventually said that if I wanted an answer she didn't have one for me. I just said ok and she headed to the bathroom so I turned the TV back on. When she came back the rest of the night was nice, we watched TV, talked and laughed, and interacted with the kids. When her and the kids went to bed she sent me a text saying, "I had a good night tonight thanks". I replied, "Me too. Sleep well."



Well, I had found out from a mutual friend on Fri that she was planning on looking at apartments today. Last night she had asked to use the car and I said I'd give a ride b/c I'm not 100% on what is going on either. She was kind of upset at first but agreed b/c otherwise she would be walking the kids to school. This morning she starts getting on my case in the car about my driving, I put my foot down and said that I didn't have to give her a ride and we weren't going back to the way things were where she got free reign of everything.

I'm standing my ground on some things b/c I am in limbo as AnotherStander says. I'm ready to move on if that's the case so I'm going to protect myself but I'm trying to compromise. There was some texting about the morning drive but I refused to get sucked into defending myself and getting into a fight. She then asked if we wrote up a paper if I would loan her some money and I told her I would think about it. During all this, the mutual friend tells me how she is out looking at an apartment and how nice it is and how good it would be for the kids.

I then asked if she had a ride to her class tomorrow and she said she did, just didn't know what she was doing with the kids. I then offered to let her borrow the car and she asked if I was sure and I said yes.