Going home

[needgrace]

Wow... I am so grateful and a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) by all the love and encouragement here from such wonderful people.. thank you so much SS, Afa, Busting, SD. I am humbled by the wonderful things you all have said about me and in support of me and my growth.

I felt like I was in a fog most of yesterday but I felt better by last night. I had trouble sleeping and kept waking up with intrusive thoughts about my sitch and things W said or did recently... but I just kept repeating "she is doing her thing, isn't that interesting?" and trying to turn back to sleep... it worked for the most part...thanks SD!

and i think it helped that i accepted where i am at right now.. i realized all the changes over the past few weeks with her moving back, moving forward with the D, etc... were all shocks to recover from.

I realized that W's words about me not changing were really bothering me and i was beating myself up a bit... but again I need to remind myself "Isn't it interesting that she feels that way?" and let it go.. I am not perfect, but who is? the important thing is that i am willing and have been working on being a better me in the midst of a difficult time in my life.. and it is important that i know that, not her.

zig was helping me last night with the concept of surrendering.. and she sent me a quote by melody beattie:

"Surrendering means doing nothing about whatever you can't do anything about. try not to stare at it either. Do something else, something you can do. try to relax, just a little. If you must do something say 'thy will be done' and mean it."

I really like that, especially the last sentence.. that is what i am working on now.. surrendering to what is, the things i can not do anything about right now.. and focusing instead on the things i can do.

I love you all.. thank you for helping me get through this weekend!