Oh, and my H said many, many times, "I'm sorry I'm putting you through this." This statement made me the victim--not a good role. If she says this to you again, communicate that you choose to be patient, stay with her, and that you're not a victim. Don't say it directly, but convey it. If she sees you as a victim, she will feel in control, and the dynamics of the current sitch will continue.
