Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

Overall, I had a day full of many mixed emotions.

My work call ran VERY late last night. I had to get up with our son in the morning because W had early morning plans she scheduled weeks ago. I ended up calling my mom to come over for support... I was so sleep deprived I couldn't handle watching our son and dealing with my own emotional mess. I was able to sleep a little longer.

I took our son to his second swimming lesson. He did an amazing job kicking his feet and is becoming more comfortable in the water. It was a great time full of laughs and giggles from both of us.

We spent the rest of the day with my parents. Per a previous conversation with my wife, today was my day to have our son. She gets him tomorrow.

She started texting me shortly after the swimming lessons. I took forever to respond. I was frustrated with her and didn't feel like talking. I kind of feel like maybe I should have answered her earlier as I'm sure she was truly concerned about our son. But on the other hand, I feel like she wants space, and this is what that space would feel like, especially when it comes to shared custody of our son.

W 11:34am - How was swimming?
W 12:57pm - Ok well friend and I are at the house and are going to nap. (female friend she had early AM plans with)
W 3:48pm - HELLOOO????
M 4:19pm - Hi!
W 4:20pm = Everything ok ????! Geez
M 4:21pm - Yup. all is well.
W 4:21pm - Well can you let me know that? Because you have my heart with you... (refering to our son)
M 4:32pm - Sure can. Wasn't by my phone much.
W 4:33pm - "crying emoticon face"
W 6:21pm - Is son ok? I was home for 4 hours because I was hoping to see him...so sad...
M 6:55pm - Yup. He had a fun day!

[ericmsant2]

Some guy

I honestly don't think there's an OM. Sadly, we've been down the road previously. I've learned and have always watched for the signs since. When she's home her cell phone is still out in the open, not locked. Her Facebook and email accounts remained logged in. There's no new clothes, underwear, etc. There isn't much anger towards me, missing time, etc. I'd be very surprised if an OM existed.

So no possibility of having a pay as you go phone that may be left at work or at a friends? I hope I am wrong but something tells me that something beside depression may be at work. In my stich my XW had several secrete pay as you go phones. She also had a locker at work and used her girlfriends house. I hope I am wrong.

I am in a no-fault state. No waiting period.

If it is CT or a few other states, they do have both fault and no fault. You may want to check.

Can you tell me more about a parenting plan?

http://www.custodyxchange.com/custody/parenting-plan-template.php

A parenting plan is something that would be required if you end up divorced. It is a schedule of who will be responsible for the “parental” responsibility of the child. For example…I have a “flexible parenting plan that is based on a 50/50 split”. In short, I have my kids Wed, Thurs, Friday and Saturday’s – my xw has them on Sun, Mon and Tue.

I bring this up so that 1) it may be easier for you to GAL and STILL ensure that your son is taken care of 2) ensure that the parental responsibility for your son is SHARED.

I kind of feel like maybe I should have answered her earlier as I'm sure she was truly concerned about our son. But on the other hand, I feel like she wants space, and this is what that space would feel like, especially when it comes to shared custody of our son.

I am torn on how to respond to this….on one hand I can see how she could be concerned, on the other hand, this MAY be how it is if you get d’d. Usually an agreement will stipulate that parental time not be interrupted by the other parent. Maybe, you can let her know that if something were to happen to your son you would call her but you really just wanted daddy son time.

BTW, what are you doing to GAL? Have you begun to make new friends? What are your schedules like? Do you have time to GAL?

I’m asking because I hope that you are not “over compensating” with the intent to try and win her back with “deeds”.

Peace,
Eric

[someguy1233]

So no possibility of having a pay as you go phone that may be left at work or at a friends? I hope I am wrong but something tells me that something beside depression may be at work. In my stich my XW had several secrete pay as you go phones. She also had a locker at work and used her girlfriends house. I hope I am wrong.

When you put it that way, sure... anything is possible. However, I really don't think there is. I'm not trying to be naive. It's just that I've sadly been through that with her and know her patterns/behaviors.

If it is CT or a few other states, they do have both fault and no fault. You may want to check.

We're in a no-fault only state. With no cool-down/waiting period.

http://www.custodyxchange.com/custody/parenting-plan-template.php

A parenting plan is something that would be required if you end up divorced. It is a schedule of who will be responsible for the “parental” responsibility of the child. For example…I have a “flexible parenting plan that is based on a 50/50 split”. In short, I have my kids Wed, Thurs, Friday and Saturday’s – my xw has them on Sun, Mon and Tue.

I bring this up so that 1) it may be easier for you to GAL and STILL ensure that your son is taken care of 2) ensure that the parental responsibility for your son is SHARED.

I'm not sure how to bring up the parenting plan with out sounding like I'm trying to start planning how to separate.

BTW, what are you doing to GAL? Have you begun to make new friends? What are your schedules like? Do you have time to GAL?

I’m asking because I hope that you are not “over compensating” with the intent to try and win her back with “deeds”.

I haven't been doing enough to GAL. I think I hadn't really started since this was all so fresh. I've felt like I had to spend every minute researching divorce, parenting, and DB. I was talking with my sister last night and she nailed it... The answer isn't in this computer. No ammount of Googling will fix my situation. It's time to go do things for me. I started to yesterday. Son and I spent the day with my parents. We went shopping, helped winterize their camper, etc. I need to allow myself time for reading R books, etc. But spending all my time focusing on it and reading a book 2 days faster isn't going to magically fix this situation.

Today I'm going to help my dad install a backup camera on his truck. Later this evening I'm going to go meetup with a friend. I'm not sure what we're going to to do. Typically we just grab a beer at a bar. However, I've been avoiding all alcohol since she dropped the bomb. I don't need to go down that path... Drinking the sorrows away never works and just leads to a rough morning!

[someguy1233]

W came home last night about an hour after I went to bed. She slept on the couch.

Since today was "her day" with S, I didn't get up when he woke at 6AM. She got up and closed the door to our bedroom. I slept in until 8:30! Nine hours of sleep is amazing. I can't think of the last time I slept that long.

When I got up I passed her in the hall and said, "'morning!" with a smile. She glared up at me and said, "yes. it is." as she stormed by.

She was being friendly towards S, but nothing but angry towards me.

I played with S while she took a shower and got dressed. She was cranking Adele songs the whole time.

When she was done getting dressed I told her I was leaving for a while. I went for a run/walk (ok.. mostly walk, but there was some running!) I haven't ran since I almost missed a bus 4 years ago.

When I got home she was gone with S.


I don't know if she was angry at me for not quickly responding to her texts yesterday, or because I didn't get up to help with S this morning. I guess in an odd way, I don't realy care. I didn't even have the desire to ask why she was mad... nor did I think it would be a good idea even if I did care to.

[someguy1233]

She walked in the door with S as I was typing that last post. I hit submit and closed out...

Anyway.. I took a shower and got dressed. I could here that S was being a handful and was grumpy. When I opened the door he ran up and gave me a hug and was cheerful again.

I think she has her hands full with him today and is struggling to meet his needs to keep him happy.

As I left I said, "I'm heading out. Bye, W" with a smile. She said bye between some soft cries and continued to cry as she helped S get ready for lunch.

I'm not sure what triggered the crying... Our sitch, S's mood, her realizing how hard it can be alone with him. Who knows. These are the things I'm not supposed to worry about, right?

[someguy1233]

"hear" not "here" in the post above... It drives me nuts when people do that!

[someguy1233]

She changed her Facebook timeline cover today. It was one of my favorite pictures of her stepdad and I with S. Now it's a picture of some building by a bar.

This hurts surprisingly more than I think it should.

[roughenough]

Hey SG,

We got enough sorrow as it, anything to lessen it, the better. Here’s the thing about FB during a time like this, it doesn’t do an ounce of good. Zip, zero, nada, get my drift?

Listen to this, when W and I first separated she told me she was going to defriend myself and some of our mutual friends on FB. I was like no!! Don’t do that! Looking back, it was a blessing in disguise. My profile still shows married, I have some GAL pics posted, it works just fine for now.

I am sure I could find a way to pull up W’s page if I wanted to but what good would that do me? Not much other than a little PTSD. I haven’t bothered checking in six months, for all I know her relationship status is single and she’s interested in women. To be honest, I don’t really care. I love my W and want to reconcile but whatever. That’s just my two cents. Take care.

[someguy1233]

Thanks, rough. I guess I keep checking FB to try and see what she's up to... and confirm there's no OM. And see what she's doing with Son. I guess these are just excuses though, huh?

[someguy1233]

Last night I went out with a friend and came home about 1.5 hours later than we used to go to bed.

W had been sleeping on the couch previously. When I got home I found the door the the bedroom mostly shut. W was sleeping in the bed. I walked in, got down to my boxers like I always do, and got into bed. She rolled over and said, "Well that was presumptuous of you." I didn't say a word as I played some games on my phone until I fell asleep. I didn't feel a comment was even necessary. This is OUR BED. In OUR HOUSE. That makes it just as much mine as it is hers. She has the problem... she can sleep on the couch if she doesn't want to be near me.

We carpooled to work again this morning. She may have said 3 sentences the whole way. She's barely speaking to me now. I've stopped bringing up any conversations that don't have to do with our son.