Today I made a huge mistake and started talking R with H when he texted about the kids. All this did was make me sad, and of course give him the chance to tell me that our marriage was over.
R talks put pressure on the WAS at a time they don't want pressure, so they respond in very negative ways. That's why it's advised not to bring it up with them.
Quote:
He says that he has done soul searching and realizes that we can never make each other happy. So, of course, I want to tell him all the good that was in our marriage. I didn't, but I wanted to.
Glad you didn't, because he just would have responded back with something like "I was faking it the whole time". WAS's are masters of rewriting history, and for the time they're immersed in it they seem to believe it. I think at some level they know they're full of it, but at least near the surface they believe what they say.
Quote:
My kids are having such a hard time with him being gone and it makes it easier for me to somewhat beg.
Begging will never, ever get the results you want though. I'm glad you didn't go there.
Quote:
He says he would like to revisit the idea of him coming back to stay in the guestroom in March when the baby is due...told him not a chance. He cannot just leave, stay gone, tell me our marriage is over and then want to come back and be a part of our house when the baby is born.
Sounds like a fair and reasonable boundary. I'm curious, is this a 180 for you? Do you normally let him get his way on stuff like this? If so then this might be the kind of 180 that helps him to realize he can't call the shots anymore.
Quote:
His last text was "I love you and care about your, really!" and it hurts me to see that you are still struggling with this" Really, did he expect me to be over it??
Believe it or not, he probably did expect you to go along with it. In the month after BD when my W and I were going to MC, she expressed shock to the C that I was fighting so hard for the M. She just assumed that I felt exactly the same way she did and would embrace D with open arms. I think that's part of the WAS mentality, they just assume their spouse feels the same way about the M that they do. It's bad, it's always been bad, there's no love, etc. etc.
Originally Posted By: Sweetbriar
I really dont know if I can do this...the pregnancy is really making me extra emotional and I have my other 2 daughters to take care of also. I hate for them to see my cry.
I'm very sorry you're suffering. I hear maybe a little bit of desperation in your posts, you may want to talk to your PCP and explain what's going on and get tested for depression. You've got plenty to contend with in caring for two girls and being pregnant, adding depression on top of that can be devastating.
Quote:
I know Im not supposed to believe him, but Im am beginning to believe its all my fault, even though I know that isnt true.
Just remember that he's rewriting history. It's no reflection on you, that's just his mental state right now.
