Of the many times that I expressed thanks to you Tori, I definitely appreciate today. Not simply because of my rough day, but also I know today wasn't easy for you. So my last lists were made while I went for a drive to clear my head some. Came back and again, things were decent. W came and said "I'm sorry...for putting you through this.". I resounded with a questionable "I accept". We each knew it was a half true statement. So we put the laissez togerher and then i forced myself to workout. It was tough because I wasn't 100% there, and I added on a few more weights. When I was finished coming naval up, I overheard W talking to her BFF about how she had said earlier she was never going back to OMs, place, yet did. I went to shower as opposed to eavesdrop. I read for a few, watched season premiere of Walking Dead, and read a little more. W came to the bedroom and wished me a genuine goodnight. I asked if she was ok, she said yes; and then asked me how I was. I told her is give her the same lie and was ok too. We each knew the truth on that one too. So as she was standing at the doorway about to go upstairs, I couldn't help but see her true beauty, and wanted to say ILY, but kept it to myself. She left, and I cried a little, trying to sit with this pain to figure out deeper meanings. I came up empty aside from fear of being alone, wanting to hold and be held. The phrase "You will be fine" came in. I read a few posts here and am about to go to sleep. A bit sad, but at least with a few more insights. W is torn, more afraid and actually revealing more (including negative hints of a possible future versus just negativity), that I have to get back to more of the pure DBing with PMA. I am now more open to a coach. I may have a small work bonus coming that may afford me the 3 pack. Recommendations for coaches?
Also. The in house S is a blessing and a curse. W can see my changes more readily, yet I can see her communications with OM more easily too. My parents will be leaving for their annual.monthly trip to Florida in a few weeks, so if things stay the same or get worse I can crash there for as long as I want. So we'll see. That's it for now...hope everyone gets good rest (many of is have had a rough few days). Goodnight All!
