I would like to share a text exchange that w and I had today.
W: I feel like I am standing still. We need to move forward. Can you please fill out the paperwork?
M: No reply
W: I am sorry J and I think you are an amazing man. I just can't keep going through this and putting you through it too.
M: I understand this must be very difficult for you.
W: Are you being facetious. It is horrible.
M: There is a marriage seminar in early November called Retrouvaille. Just wondering if you would be willing to go. It certainly can't hurt anything, if nothing else it may teach us some communication skills. No I am not being facetious, i have never been here before and I am doing the best I can. Sometimes I wish you would get pissed at me and tell me all the terrible things I have done so that I would know what I need to work on. You asked me what my family thought, and honestly there is only one family that matters to me.
W: If you want to go I will go, but please do the papers...not like anything would be final by then.
M: Thank you
So a little validation, no reply about paperwork and she agreed to Retrouvaille. I am feeling a little anxious about the seminar. It is hard not to have any expectations for it. Has anyone been to it? Is there anything to help me prepare for it?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I know I haven't been the DBer to ever walk this path and hopefully a coach will help that. I am very happy that she agreed to Retrouvaille whatever her reasons may be. Whether it is to just make me happy, or if there is a tiny shred of hope left in her. I hear getting there is 90% of the battle. It isn't for 3 weeks so hopefully I can work on my DB skills until then.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Question: how do you go dark when you have almost daily contact because of children? And is that something I should persue with upcoming Retrouvaille? I think I have finally reached a point where I am detached enough to stop holding on so tight. One of my goals is to stop initiating conversation, I seem to be having a hard time with that.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I think I am starting to figure this out. Or at least I am becoming detached enough that my actions are real. Faked it long enough that I am becoming me again. I am definitely enjoying GAL. I may still put my foot in my mouth, but I am happy about living from a place of love and not anger.
I came across a forum that posed the question of wether or not people thought they had wasted the years they were married once they were divorced. I am happy to say that I don't believe it was a waste. Because of this I am learning how to listen and validate. Had this never happened I would still be on cruise control. Now I can put the pedal down on the rest of my life. Hopefully with my w. I do wish my children didn't have to go through this, and I don't think my w would want them to go through this. I understand and respect that she thinks this is what she has to do. Mr. Bond wrote something to me awhile ago about wanting to control her into loving me and coming back. I want her to come back under her own free will. I may not be the best DBer ever and I may not save my marriage, I will live a happy fulfilled life.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Hi, eyesopen, I just read your entire sitch. Our sitch's are somewhat similar--OP in picture (EA only as of now); kids involved; my H has just put a least down on an apt and is planning to leave in 3 wks.
We are all on a rollercoaster ride--I can tell u are by all your posts. One day you're up and one day you're down, another you are spinning upside-down. Point being you are doing a GOOD job with DBing. I have felt many of the same emotions but am NOT doing a good job GAL , so I will take some inspiration from you.
Detaching is very difficult--I can tell you are struggling with this day-to-day (at least internally). I get an "F" with this so I don't have advise for you...but someone earlier in your thread said to keep the end goal in mind at all times. DOn't give in to your immediate emotions/thoughts...keep the marathon in mind.
Your w may very well be pushing the D right now, but it's not over til it's over...and with kids it's never over. Keep doing what you're doing and at some point she will realize what she's missing (& if she doesn't it is her loss!).
GOod luck and keep up the good work!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Feeling a pretty good this morning. I am not a big drinker, but last night I went with a bunch of friends to a zombie pub crawl and went a tad overboard. Obviously that is not why I am feeling good. I am feeling good because I had blast. Usually I don't even dance when I have been drinking, but last night I danced my arse off. Had some great conversations with strangers, and overall enjoyed myself. I am so excited to really be feeling like the old me again, with some upgrades. Now if only this headache would go away.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Awesome! A few weeks back we were invited to the zombie pub crawl but W didn't want to go. We were going to invite friends over instead.
I wish I had remembered the crawl. It would have been a good GAL opportunity.
Nice work!
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Now I remmeber why I don't drink much, although my body feels pretty good, my mind is weak today. It is hard to stay focused. I will get through it. After all I had as much fun as I have had in a long time.
My W and I have always called each other back even if we didn't leave a message. Shoud I keep doing this or not call her back unless there is a message? Or just wait a hour or two, to return the call? It feels a little like game playing.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
