Thank you all for your thoughts and support and love (((( ))))
Letting go is essential because you have no control of his actions and mindreading only keeps your focus on him.
And the love we need to exhibit we so often read as love for "him", maybe that should be taken as love for self.
labug...i like this...i am not sure yet what love for self really is. I mean...when i think about it i think of it as self respect maybe? Is that what that means? And maybe being kind to ourselves?
Tumbling, i like this: A little test of growth. I agree...these actions are tests for ourselves. to se show we choose to handle them. I like that. Because when i do handle something well...it feels pretty d@mn great!
As to the knight. How about we get on that white charger ourselves and disappear to the land of detachment? My current horse is called "sortingoutmywardrobe" - what's yours called?
mine is called 'makingmybuttsmaller' lol
Vero, SD, Arsene and afa75 thank you for your support and love. It means so much to me when i see your words.
NG- I think what you said about stockdale is spot on. Sometimes when i start to 'lose it' i start repeating to myself..'the reality of my sitch...the reality of my sitch....' i must look like a crazy woman walking around the school halls mumbling that to myself LOL
And yes, that is the reality for us both. OW exists and NOTHING will change until when and if that changes.
a quick journal..... tomorrow is Hs 40th bday. in the past we had always said when we turn 40 respectively, we would have 'big' parties, etc etc. When i turned 40 last year...H didn't even show up. Yes a part of me was 'hoping' that he would have chosen to be here for his 40th...not because i would have done a party or even expected to celebrate with him, but i definitely would have had a family celebration with the kids...cake etc. I still will when he gets back because S8 really wants to celebrate as well.
I would have liked to have had him here because 1. its a big bday and well...yes i wanted to be a part of it with him...but no point if he doesn't want to be with me... and 2. and this is the very selfish part....it would mean he is not with OW.
oh well..... he could have been with OW here or there or anywhere so that doesn't really count. and i need to accept, like i said in a previous post, that its just not meant to be. ACCEPTANCE.
ok, this is a long post, so will stop now. will come see how you all are.
((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
