TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hey (((Busting))). I hear you. Sometimes I think the Universe gives us something when we think we've got it all figured out - like detaching - just to make us confirm we are there or not. A little test of growth.
As to the knight. How about we get on that white charger ourselves and disappear to the land of detachment? My current horse is called "sortingoutmywardrobe" - what's yours called?
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
And the love we need to exhibit we so often read as love for "him", maybe that should be taken as love for self.
Let you actions and reactions emanate from love for you.
Wow, That is very true. Thx Labug.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
bustingout! ugh! i hate that feeling. -the need to detach. It would be so easy if it were like a light switch. We are so embedded in the sitch that we struggle to detach.
It's a slow process and it's progress not perfection!
You're coming along. Take care sweety!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
not sure if it is applicable, but i am reminded of the stockdale paradox for both of us today..
i think we are getting sidetracked, like some of the other POWS Stockdale saw, in setting arbitrary timelines in our minds for their progress (like spouse will turn around before filing or not go to dubai now that he has made some positive steps) that cause us to SINK when we figure out that they will not be met...
i know for me.. i need to face the reality that my W is with OW and nothing will happen until that ends.
love you busting ((((((( )))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Thank you all for your thoughts and support and love (((( ))))
Letting go is essential because you have no control of his actions and mindreading only keeps your focus on him.
And the love we need to exhibit we so often read as love for "him", maybe that should be taken as love for self.
labug...i like this...i am not sure yet what love for self really is. I mean...when i think about it i think of it as self respect maybe? Is that what that means? And maybe being kind to ourselves?
Tumbling, i like this: A little test of growth. I agree...these actions are tests for ourselves. to se show we choose to handle them. I like that. Because when i do handle something well...it feels pretty d@mn great!
As to the knight. How about we get on that white charger ourselves and disappear to the land of detachment? My current horse is called "sortingoutmywardrobe" - what's yours called?
mine is called 'makingmybuttsmaller' lol
Vero, SD, Arsene and afa75 thank you for your support and love. It means so much to me when i see your words.
NG- I think what you said about stockdale is spot on. Sometimes when i start to 'lose it' i start repeating to myself..'the reality of my sitch...the reality of my sitch....' i must look like a crazy woman walking around the school halls mumbling that to myself LOL
And yes, that is the reality for us both. OW exists and NOTHING will change until when and if that changes.
a quick journal..... tomorrow is Hs 40th bday. in the past we had always said when we turn 40 respectively, we would have 'big' parties, etc etc. When i turned 40 last year...H didn't even show up. Yes a part of me was 'hoping' that he would have chosen to be here for his 40th...not because i would have done a party or even expected to celebrate with him, but i definitely would have had a family celebration with the kids...cake etc. I still will when he gets back because S8 really wants to celebrate as well.
I would have liked to have had him here because 1. its a big bday and well...yes i wanted to be a part of it with him...but no point if he doesn't want to be with me... and 2. and this is the very selfish part....it would mean he is not with OW.
oh well..... he could have been with OW here or there or anywhere so that doesn't really count. and i need to accept, like i said in a previous post, that its just not meant to be. ACCEPTANCE.
ok, this is a long post, so will stop now. will come see how you all are.
((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
