Should have said, lots of gossip and mind-reading in the last half of the post-it seems I sometimes write in verbal shorthand, too.
Here's the thing with second hand info, people cherry-pick what they tell you depending on their personal biases. If you can hear it and discount it, fine. If not tell then "thanks, but no thanks."
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Don't worry about that intel Rough, from my perspective you'd be better off without it. The "You're not fighting for me" argument is a dead end. Why? Because there is no guideline for what "fighting for her" looks like, and there is no yardstick for how much is enough. It can be a gerbil wheel that you're better off not stepping into.
Your W CHOSE to move out, your W CHOSE to leave. It is not your responsibility to chase her and convince her to come back. She's an adult and needs to own her own decisions. It is your job to be the best man you can be, to be the best spouse you can be, and to learn marriage-friendly attitudes and behaviors, including learning how to understand and fulfill your partner's needs.
If you do these things, you don't need to "fight for her" because you'll be the obvious best choice. I think your GAL activities and your approach to date has equalized the power in the relationship, so often the WAS calls all the shots. You're in a good place -- stay there.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
It is your job to be the best man you can be, to be the best spouse you can be, and to learn marriage-friendly attitudes and behaviors, including learning how to understand and fulfill your partner's needs.
If you do these things, you don't need to "fight for her" because you'll be the obvious best choice. I think your GAL activities and your approach to date has equalized the power in the relationship, so often the WAS calls all the shots. You're in a good place -- stay there.
Accuray
This is powerful Acc. I need to learn it, live it and be it. Thank you for the inspiring post.
Son and I walked by a wishing well earlier today and before we tossed our coin in I told my son we could share our wishes just this ONE time. I had an idea but I couldn't be certain what he was thinking. He said he wanted all this stuff between mom and dad to end and he wanted things to be like they used to. I remained strong but I surely struggled to hold back my tears.
Hey Rough... One quick thing to consider: This email might not actually come... or if it does, it might not come this weekend.
I find it helpful to keep that type of thing in mind when I start going through the hellish place you're in now: Figuring out all the terrible things that could be coming in this letter.
Let me help you with that!
This letter could contain any or all of the following:
-She's Seeing an OM -She doesn't love you anymore -She doesn't think you'll ever work out -She's decided to buy a unicorn -She is wanted for murder in five countries -She's decided to become a pirate -She's taken up howling at the moon -She has decided her favorite color is now brown
My point is when you let your mind wander, you might as well let it wander ALL the way to the absurd sometimes to get a little extra perspective... Because you just can't predict what she's going to say, and trying to do that will eat you up and build up the anticipation for this e-mail to epic proportions.
I for one hope she tells you that she's decided to buy a unicorn. I hear they're positively majestic.
I still cant get over this recent post AT, this is some funny sh!t man!!! By the way, you were right, no letter. I am not sweating it though. A Part of me could care less.
Yeah, I love this too, but although unicorns are good value for money, don't underestimate the benefits of a good moon howling.
Cheers Rough! Have a great week!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I hope that you and the kids are having fun! I think that we should figure out some time to meet soon to talk. I called our joint counselor to try and schedule an appointment and left him a voicemail, he called me back and left me a voice mail saying he had some reservations about meeting with us again. Surprising! But we aren't really using him in the way you normally would - we are using him as more of an occasional mediator.
Anyways, we should meet and talk. The timing of when and where is hard. Any thoughts?
I know it’s important for me to remember that any interactions with W is an opportunity. I will need to do a lot of listening and validating. My reply to her email will probably go something like this.
"I am available at noon this Tuesday or Wednesday, just let me know. Have a good day W."
