Hey Arsene, just read up on some of your sich, I think a key here for you, is to not simply fake it nonstop, but rather until you no longer fake it. What are you currently doing for you?
Hang in there mate! I had to add the last line b/c it makes me smile when I read it coming from you on others' threads.
I appreciate the input and your support. To answer a few questions about what I'm doing for myself, here are a few of the things which I have on the go.
1-I play music weekly in a local cafe and slowly gaining a bit of a following.
2-I've just been offered to co-organize a musical event for the place where I play. It's to be a "battle of the bands" leading to the recording and inclusion of a song on a compilation.
3-I'll be a judge in the above event and was also granted a spot on the compilation for my own song.
4-Through this event, I've been approached by a blues band (really good band) who would like to do some work with me. I might also be able to manage them.
5-I've put in a proposal to be a partner in starting up and running a Cafe. The feedback so far is positive.
6-I'm in the process of joining the Toastmasters, where I have so far met lots of very interesting people and made a few contacts.
7-I'm in the process of joining a local 4X4 club which has monthly events such as camping, rallies, offroad workshops and adventure gatherings. All of which include the family and kids.
8-I have been studying meditation several times a week for the last 3 months and get great insight in achieving peace from within. It's also helped me tremendously with my 180s (which list is too long to mention here ).
9-I've been working on my garden and learning gardening in the process. It's very peaceful and an excellent way to keep my mind off things.
10-I have been a lot more out-going than I ever was and in the process, have met many new people and rekindled many old friendships.
11-I have been going to the pool at least 4 times a week to do laps for 45 minutes and every morning (ok, almost every morning) I exercise at home.
12-Despite all of this, I have made a real effort to spend quality time with my D8 and have re-learned how to play. We are now building a puppet stage from which we hope to film our own productions.
13-I could add to this that i force myself to eat (healthy meals) even if I'm not hungry and I've cut down on my alcohol intake an awful lot (mainly out of fear of calling W in a fit of drunkenness but also because my financial situation doesn't allow it). I usually have one or two beers when I go out and then I switch to water.
Having said all of this, when I'm home at night, all alone, I still miss my W incredibly and want for her company. It all sounds good but I do need to be able to maintain my state of detachment, because no matter what I do, and how many things I have on the go, I still have to come home alone at the end of the day.
I hope this answers a few of of your questions.
Thanks again for your constant support.
BTW CB, I served in the 80s in a different country but I got the gist of what you said. I am very familiar with the feeling and it's what has been keeping me going for so long.
Bill, thanks for trying to spare me but please don't refrain from telling it the way you see it. I can take it, even if I sometimes find it confusing. As I said, it's forced me to really re-assess what I was doing and figure out for myself if it was the right thing to do. For now, I think it is.
Afa, thanks for popping by. Not faking it anymore is indeed the goal, and I'm not sure how far I am in reaching it. I have to admit that no matter how strong I sometimes feel (like now) I also get my very weak moments. I'm happy to say that these don't seem to occur so often anymore but they still do. I agree, it is so much easier to comment on others' thread than to follow our own advice.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Before this thread on Acceptance comes to an end, I just want to comment on my progress with this.
I know that I'm not totally there yet but there is one thing I understand and that is the fact that I can't change my W. At least not directly. All I can do is accept that she is the way she is, that she is on her own journey which she will travel at her own pace. There is no guarantees as to where that journey will take her and that shouldn't matter to me because it is HER journey.
What I can do in the meantime is keep on living my life to the max. Focus on my daughter and on our relationship. Use my new found awareness to become who I know I can be and find happiness within myself.
While I do this, from a distance, I can keep on loving this woman whom I have sworn to cherish and protect, for better or for worse, until death do us part, and keep an eye out for her.
I'd like to end on this little thing I found in a book on meditation and which helped me to understand all of this.
"When I become gentle with myself, when I dance slowly to life's music, my relationships will shift into a new key. When I stop pushing and pulling other people, when I relax my demands, they will bless me for that" Anthea Church
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
).