MY expectations have nothing to do with this. You marry a person and expectations become OUR expectations. If one person becomes LD then they are no longer living up to OUR expectations. The idea that you can marry someone and just willy-nilly become a different person and think everything will be ok is ridiculous.
You are correct, in a way LD spouses are stalkers who are punching their loved ones in the nose everyday. Does sticking around while this is happening make me a victim? a chump? No. I care too much about my spouse and my marriage to let something like a few "nosebleeds" end it. However, there is no way in hell I would stick around if my spouse were not actively trying to stop punching me in the nose. I take my vows a bit more serious than that.
Things have indeed gotten somewhat better for us. Nowhere near where OUR expectations are but she is making an effort. This did not really happen though until we stopped trying to figure out all the why's and who's and started focusing on the WHAT.
One more thing, it does not matter who you are or why. If you significantly change during the course of your marriage (and almost everyone will), it had better be in a way that benefits both partners. If not, then YOU destroyed your marriage...all by your little self. Don't feel bad about it, just be a MAN or WOMAN and take responsibility for what YOU have done. Don't try to make yourself feel better by trying to shovel even one little bit of your "stuff" on to your spouse.
