"I know I was the one that "gave this power" to my H, the power of affecting me to this degree, he didn't do it on purpose, he loves me, but nonetheless, he did and I let him."
I don't like this, nor do I agree with it.
For example, if I walk up to you and punch you in the nose, did you "give me the power" to do that? If you bleed, did you give me the power to make you do so? No!
If I punch you in the nose and you bleed, it is not because you gave me the power, it is because you are a human being and that is what happens to a human being when you punch one in the nose...they bleed.
Sometimes things happen that you cannot control. Being effected by the continual rejection of someone you love has nothing to do with you giving them power. You are effected and you are hurt because you are human. This is what happens to humans when you continually crush their passion....it bleeds out of them. To expect you to be effected differently by this situation would be equivalent to expecting you not to bleed when someone punches you in the nose...it's not realistic, and you should not put that kind of responsibility on yourself.
As far as losing a battle goes, it really depends on what battle you are fighting. Are you trying to save your marriage? or are you trying to save an important part of yourself...your passion?
If you are trying to save your marriage then I would say you are winning, unfortunately, it might end up being a pretty hollow victory. If you are trying to save your passion then you are losing, as am I.
