Hey Rough... One quick thing to consider: This email might not actually come... or if it does, it might not come this weekend.
I find it helpful to keep that type of thing in mind when I start going through the hellish place you're in now: Figuring out all the terrible things that could be coming in this letter.
Let me help you with that!
This letter could contain any or all of the following:
-She's Seeing an OM -She doesn't love you anymore -She doesn't think you'll ever work out -She's decided to buy a unicorn -She is wanted for murder in five countries -She's decided to become a pirate -She's taken up howling at the moon -She has decided her favorite color is now brown
My point is when you let your mind wander, you might as well let it wander ALL the way to the absurd sometimes to get a little extra perspective... Because you just can't predict what she's going to say, and trying to do that will eat you up and build up the anticipation for this e-mail to epic proportions.
I for one hope she tells you that she's decided to buy a unicorn. I hear they're positively majestic.
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Arsene, your right about me having enough problems and then need not to worry about upcoming ones. I appreciate you knocking some sence into me, I could use it. Glad you downloaded the book. Let me know what you thing. Your right, Denver’s post about feeling vs facts is really good! Thanks Denver! Haaaaa, to funny AT!!! What a post! I needed a good laugh. It means a lot having you stop by. Have a great time at the beer festival, I live in the Pacific Northwest and we have some awesome microbrews around here. By the way, what you’re doing for yourself is very inspiring. It seems like you really have it together, you’re doing a great job handling things right now. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s no cake walk.
It’s amazing how you nailed it, you’re absolutely right about the email not coming because she’s mentioned it twice and I still haven’t seen it. BTW, I’ve never asked about it, just something’s she’s proactively mentioned to me a couple times. I’ve posted a couple times about her upcoming email because it will probably be disappointing and it helps me out to just come here and post about it, to process things; it helps me prepare myself, that’s all.
I must be somewhat good at expressing myself because your right, I do feel like I am in a hellish place right now. Ive been going through this stage where I really miss my W, more then usual. I will work through it though, someway, somehow. I was really doing alright for a while but I’ve struggled over the last couple weeks. I need to stay strong for myself and my kids, I am taking them to the pumpkin patch today, first time without W. I need to remember that life's to short and we can't predict the future. I need to make the most of what I've got, easier said than done sometimes.
That's the spirit my friend. Have fun with your kids,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Don't stress about it too much Rough. No one interaction is going to make or break the situation. When in doubt, keep it short and to the point.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Yeah, W and I seem to be on the same page on this one. We had a few misunderstandings at the beginning and now, in an attempt to avoid that again every text any of us sends begins with:
Good Morning W/Arsene.
and ends with:
Take care
or
Have a nice day.
Quite generic but I guess if one day it's not there, we'll both imagine that the other is pissed off.
In a sense I prefer it this way. Just basic courtesy, which is something I'm trying to add in every aspect of my life anyway.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Arsene, I am not a d!ck but that's a lot more courtesy then I would offer up. BTW, how are you doing?
I just found out a couple things. So my W’s sister was watching my son earlier today, it was because of a birthday party he attended. I've only seen W’s sister once since our separation, she and I have always got a long really well, she wants us to work things out, she doesn’t like what my W is doing. She’s very close to my W, heck there sisters. Anyway, W's sister needed to drop my son off at my house and to be honest; I didn’t want to be home when she was dropping my son off. I ended up calling my mother to come over to my house so someone would be home to watch the kids. In the mean time I ended up running some errands. Anyway, W's sister and my mom have always got along well. I guess they ended up chatting for over an hour today. I received some interesting third party intel, which I feel is accurate.
Supposedly W hasn’t been talking to her parents, this is rare. My guy tells me her parents don’t agree with her choices either. They’ve been married for over 35 years.
It sounds like the brief conversation I had with W a week or so ago had an impact on her. It was the talk we had about me still loving her, I am married and behaving as such, etc…..Anyway, W had no idea where I stood, she thought I had moved on. I guess W called her sister and was crying a lot.
Oh, I bet you’ve never heard this one before, W feels I havent been fighting for her. Ha, whatever, we don’t need to hash this one out again, if you know what I mean.
At the end of the day, I dont know if this means much. I could be wrong but even though these are intersting pieces of information, W is going to do what she wants.
Wait a minute... Your W doesn't think you're fighting for her??? She thinks you've given up???
I don't know WHAT I'd do if I hear that stuff.
Oh wait...
I wish I knew what all that meant, in all honesty. I wish I could tell you that it's a good thing or a bad thing. Especially knowing that your W should NOW realize that she was wrong about your lack of fight and giving up.
But my crystal ball is as broken for your sitch as it is for mine.
I'll HOPE that both of our Ws are now, quite suddenly, on a new leg of their journey... One in which the internal justifications they've made are starting to show some cracks.
But we all know they can patch up those cracks pretty easily if they want to. And we're all hoping they'll soon reach the point that patching up their WAW behaviors and justifications will get old.
Keep up the good work. Don't worry too much about the texts (HAHAHA, listen to me! I've learned that lesson harshly over these last few days!). And remember to poke your head out from this foxhole once in a while. And when you do, bring me with you!
Rough, you wouldn't wish your W a nice day? I always wish my H a nice day (or something similar) when we communicate via txt or email. For too many years I didn't do that. We slipped into the verbal shorthand that happens to so many couples that didn't include the niceties you would extend to acquaintances. I don't do it and worry about his reaction, I do it because I want to change who I am and, I would like for him to have a good day.
Lots of gossip and mind-reading, don't put too much stock in any of it.
Keep your eyes on you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
