Kimmerz, Heres the thing about MLC and why it's F'ed up. I will explain why I was angry at her during the MLC and then what I realized later on. I was angry at her becasue I was angry at myself. In the MLC while the alien was steering the ship it had to be her that was the cause of all my emotional pain. If she wasn't there then I would have travelled the world, done great things, seen great places, married a diff girl etc, etc, etc. All BS since I had all those things right in front of me. I think a true MLC changes you completely. The anger at her was not justified. She was at the time a great woman, caring, family oriented, beautiful in my eyes. In MLC I could not be the problem.
Eventually, about 3/4 of the way through the tunnel and I was moving through it I one day sat up and said this is me, I am angry at myself. The next day the worst and best day of the whole journey took place. The toxic BS was washed away, I had basically forgiven myself(the magic bullit) and then was able to forgive her for being a human being as well.
My life began to change starting that day. Now I still had to go through the depression, wihtdrawal, and acceptance which took another 6 months but the lesson MLC was supposed to teach me took place. I now had the tools to be a complete, spiritual whole person capable of forgivness.
Why do many MLC'ers get stuck and stay angry. I think the answer is MLC is painful, It FKN HURTS. Did I say it HURTS!!. I am sorry you are going through this but you do not want to be in the mind of an MLC'er( it hurts) but a lot run from this pain. I embraced it and kept moving through without running away and destroying my whole family. (I did think about running, but did not, I think it was just luck).
There could have been a few things that triggered my anger/MLC. I don't know what the true catalyst was. I did have a twin brother that committed suicide at 38. Maybe that who knows.
What I do know was MLC helped me to see things now. I believe MLC is a gift but as you know how many people open a gift look at it say that,s nice and toss it aside. Many!
My EXW now is MLC, Im sure. Sadly I don't think she has the wherewithal to get through. I realize its only been 2 1/2 - 3 years but I had to move on for the sake of my kids. They needed a rock and I was the only one left to provide it. There mother ran away and they only see here occassionally and thay know something is wrong. She has done so many mean things I have lost track but I will always love my now X-wife. I told her a year or so ago if she wanted to talk I would, thats bisically the last contact if you will.
My life is now a work in progress. Its a pretty good life. I would not change my life one iota. I think we are given opportunities in life to grow. Those opportunities can come in ways you least expect. the WOW REALLY is this how its going down. You must have a good sense of humor.
In the Peaceful Warrior Soc had it right when he said the 3 things that govern this earth that allow us to get through are PARADOX, HUMOR, CHANGE. If your living through what we all are and have some undertanding these words should ring true to you.
Kimmerz, My prayers are with you. Please do not analyze too much. This journey for you may be the most rewarding of your life. I know at times it is painful for you but you are growing.
