Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you very much for your insights, Tumbling and Tori.

Tori, I hadn't thought about my H having ADD traits. That's interesting. I certainly think of him as having ASD traits. Which bits make you think ADD?

Dinner out was really nice. No R talk, no mention of it being my 'birthday take two'. We just chit-chatted and had a relaxing time. We both really enjoyed the food and--Tumbling--I did thank him several times It's where he would like me to take him out for his bday so I booked for early Jan. It makes me think that he thinks we'll still be together by then but he probably doesn't think like that.

He has said to me twice in the last few months that we should stick it out until D15 leaves for university and then assess whether or not we really want to be together. Maybe that's still his plan. At least it gives me lots of time to change his idea of me as a controlling, critical and nagging wife.

At one point, I even looked at him at diner and could remember why I fell for him in the first place. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Paradoxically, that hasn't stopped me from pursuing him though. I'm not sure why feeling off him hasn't helped with detaching--on the contrary.

Again, in bed this morning there was a little current affairs chat. Well, he held forth and I listened. It reminded me of our earlier days. Of course, he jumped out of bed first to make himself a cup of tea. There has been no physical contact between us in so long that I can't imagine that side of things ever resuming. Talking in bed on weekend mornings has to be a step in the right direction though. In the evenings, he usually comes up late, once I'm asleep. He sleeps very far away from me in the bed.

It's now 1 pm and he has just headed out. The excuse is to buy a socket but I don't expect him back until 6-7pm. That has been the usual pattern on Sundays. He'll undoubtedly have had a drink or two as well and who knows about whether or not an OW is in the picture.

I'm still so grateful for the people on this board. I do feel that I'd be in a better place in my M if I hadn't let things slide once H seemed home. I can't get over how easily I reverted to my old ways. Obviously, he's not going to trust that I've changed since he's known me to revert to type before. He does sometimes refer to the short period when I 'behaved'. He doesn't quite phrase it that way but that's the gist of it.