What should I do? Which technique to use?

[MrBond]

"Yes, lack of sex is upsetting."

Weak excuse. You do know that long term relationships actually have diminished sex right?

"Now, yes, I've set out the ultimatum. If you're not going to act like my gf (spend time with me, help around the house, back me up with the kids, help out financially, and start working on intimacy) then you're not going to be my gf that I just keep providing for until you can make your escape and leave me with nothing but debt or worse."

Doesn't matter if you don't change. You didn't change and perpetuated the cycle. You had to be the one to change and keep them consistent. But you didn't. You let your insecurities get to you.

"It's see-saw, it's me being a doormat,"

This is what I can't stand. Just because you made a decision to make things better doesn't make you a doormat. You chose this path with no expectations from her. She didn't have to do it also. It was your choice. You made the decision, deal with it.

"I told her I was tired of providing for her while she walked all over me. Did I go to an extreme? Yes I did, very much so. Sometimes though, it seems extremes are the only thing that work."

Yeah that showed her kids! That mean woman made you change your locks and kick them out with no other home to live in. That serves that baby right. I guess you showed them what a real man does.

"When we "talk" she doesn't pay attention, tv is on, there's some sort of timetable b/c of kids or whatever, and so the "conversation" gets rushed and she just rants at me, tells me why I am wrong, and then leaves."

Hmmm, you know this is going to happen again when you get M.

"If I give her respect and I'm polite, but also I'm not the "provider", she'll see what life is really like without me."

She wants more than just a "provider". That's the problem with those alpha male sites that you've been reading. They convince you that you need to act a certain way to get her "sexual" with you and if she doesn't, then you move on. Real life doesn't work that way.

"Either she chooses that life or she chooses to really work on things with me and then I'll do my part."

Ha! So what if the roles were reversed? Do you really want someone demanding you do what they tell you to do? It's not quid pro quo. You start the positive changes and keep them that way and she'll change.

"I'll slow my roll and stay away from the intimacy issue."

Again with the sex.

"She's already been divorced and she was pretty much set up with WAW syndrom,"

Where in the world did you come up with this prognosis? I guess you're a psychologist now.

"Either it's going to work and things are going to turn around and this will be a huge success story...or we are going to part ways as best we can and hopefully learn to set better, reasonable adult, boundaries with future partners."

Not going to change because you're didn't change.

" Maybe somebody else will read the thread and learn from my mistakes."

Your main mistake was not learning what DB is. See you here in a couple of years after you're married.