About to separate....

[dorightman]

Thanks Regretful. It's really hard to live in a platonic relationship with my wife. I always feel like I want to approach her to give love, but I know I will be rejected and then she will get mad that I put myself in that position again. We sleep in separate bedrooms and it feels really bad to me. I will continue to DB and I hope & pray she will come around.

[MrBond]

"Had a conversation with w last night before bed. "

Bad idea. Did you really read DR?

[dorightman]

I'm really struggling with sticking to the DB rules. I keep going back and forth and I think my w is getting confused by my behavior patterns...

[Wendylon]

I asked her to give us more time

Don't ask her that.

and told her I would give her her space in the house.

Do that.

She feels nothing but negative feelings for me. This really hurts!

Par for the course. Hang in there!

[dorightman]

She softened this morning, I did a good job this weekend. Patience my friends.

[mamabird]

Yes, that's it! You need to whittle away. Put the sledgehammer down.

[dorightman]

She goes out without her wedding ring. She comes home and doesn't want to talk to me, she wants her space. I'm giving it to her, but it feels so bad to me. Living like this is very painful.

[mamabird]

I totally get it, Nail. I went through the same. On my birthday, H watched the kids and when I came home, he ran down the stairs and out the door without so much as a word. It was awful. He has ignored me in front of other people. He has been rude, mean, spiteful, gossipy, has called me names to my face and probably behind my back too.

Nail, think of this as the "new normal." Your old M is dead. Your task now is to get her to come back to you so you can start our new M. But she's pissed right now because you wouldn't move out and now the ball is in her court. Either she has to follow through and act on it, or she has to let it go. It is so much easier to have you move out so she doesn't actually have to do anything.

Ironically, getting some cajones in this situation has helped your case, even though it doesn't seem like it right now. You have shown her you're strong, you aren't going to be bullied. Women like that. Plus, you're forcing her hand which makes it that much harder on her to walk out.

Trust me, as much as this hurts and sux right now, it will get better. She can't keep this up forever. It's impossible. And you are going to be such a good DB'er that she is going to see your changes and want to spend time with you.

One thing I did that MWD recommends in DR: try to figure out what the first sign would be that something was really changing. Break it down into VERY small manageable realistic goals. At the beginning of my sitch, my goals were "Have a 10 minute conversation without yelling." "Speak to him face to face and look each other in the eye." Etc. I look back on it now and think about how far we have come. Now my H lets me snuggle with him (although he doesn't reciprocate). We talk, we make plans for the kids together.

Watch for the baby steps and signs and learn to appreciate them.

[dorightman]

Thanks RLA, I appreciate the encouraging words! One day at a time, I have to remind myself that it took years to get here and it will take time to heal. Patience, discipline and some thickening of the skin.

[dorightman]

A few nights ago I had a conversation with w about us making love again, (I know Bond, WTF am I doing!!!) She reiterated that she doesn't love me like that and that there was absolutely no way that was gonna happen again. Then the whole story of why/how she fell out of love with me over a long period of time,and all my wrongs. She said she's only interested in developing a friendship with me, but doesn't know if thats possible for me. I told her I did want to be friends.She also told me that this sitch would be easier if I moved out and I told her that I wouldn't abandon the kids. Anyways, I'm not sure how to proceed. Is it possible to do the LRT and still treat her as a friend? She just won't let go of her story from the past, she says she fell out of love and it's too late. Is it really too late? Or can can love be rekindled? I think that is my biggest question from this whole experience.