Here we go again...

[someguy1233]

Thanks, eric. I thought of your post many times today.

[qoute]Are you sure that there is no OP in the picture. I am seen (and lived it) where the spouse asked about another person, usually because they have one. It may be time to find out if an OM exist.[/quote] She asked who I was talking to because of my "Validating" conversation style. She seemed very puzzled as to why I was conversing so differently.

I hontestly don't think there's an OM. Sadly, we've been down the road previously. I've learned and have always watched for the signs since. When she's home her cell phone is still out in the open, not locked. Her Facebook and email accounts remained logged in. There's no new clothes, underwear, etc. There isn't much anger towards me, missing time, etc. I'd be very surprised if an OM existed.

I would not volunteer a thing. That said, YOU too need to determine what YOUR rights are. Is your state a no fault state?

I am in a no-fault state. No waiting period.

I am not sure I understand the statement “she wants to see her son more”. Does she think that she is gonna stay home and you pay all the bills.

She was saying that she stayed in the relationship this long because of her desire to spend as much time with our son as possible. (In her dream world, yes... she would barely work and be a stay at home mom. But that was never in our budget.)

Also, notice she wasn’t happy. The biggest thing I see with people is the EXPECTATION that someone ELSE should make them happy. It is an unrealistic expectation. YOU make YOU happy. Yes, someone else can be a part of that but to rely on someone else to make you happy is crazy.

I couldn't agree more. I still think she's depressed or has a hormone issue. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to say much to her about it.

I suggest the following:

1) Stop talking to her about the D. Please don’t go begging and whining about how you love her, how this will be a burden financially, how you can change, blah blah blah.
2) Leave her alone. Can you take a few days off and break away with your son for a weekend? If so, do it.
3) Stop answering every call and text that she sends within minutes. Let her wait for you to respond and then your responses should be short and to the point.
4) Find out what the laws in your state are on divorce. Does your state have a 90 day “cooling off” period?
5) Sit down and write down what YOU want for YOU.
6) Accelerate doing the things you wanted to do that were on your list.
7) Sit down and come up with a parenting plan. She wants the D okay, well then you are not her personal home aid. Don’t think that doing EVERYTHING in the house is going to show her that you love her and changed. Nope.
8) Try hard not to be an [censored] or a wuss.
9) Make a doctor appt and talk to your doctor. Let him/her know what is going on. If need be they may prescribe some meds to help take the edge off.
10) Do not look sad or depressed. Do not beg or cry. Nope. BE confident.


I’ll check on you Monday.

You will get through this…YOU will survive buddy.

THANK YOU. This is a great list. Much of it is already implemented. I feel like I was kind of fast-tracked back into DB mode since I've had previous experience. She hasn't seen me anything but strong, acting AS-IF, etc. I haven't once brought up a R talk. I haven't questioned.

Can you tell me more about a parenting plan? I did a search on this term and it appears to be a schedule of watching our son? I'm so new to this