What should I do? Which technique to use?

[jzoom]

It was drastic and it definately got her attention. I am on the verge of not being able to pay any bills, buy any food, or get any gas. There's been no repect for the financial situation as I've paid for EVERYTHING, my stuff and all of her stuff, all of her bills too. The gas for her to take the car and go running around town non-stop and visiting family without me all the time. I'm funding a WAW and I had to put a stop to it for my own good.

Yes, lack of sex is upsetting. I know DB says that you have to be their friend, connect emotionally, and go slow to recover the intimacy. I did end up using a hot topic with her to get her attention, to make a drastic move.

Now, yes, I've set out the ultimatum. If you're not going to act like my gf (spend time with me, help around the house, back me up with the kids, help out financially, and start working on intimacy) then you're not going to be my gf that I just keep providing for until you can make your escape and leave me with nothing but debt or worse.

It's see-saw, it's me being a doormat, I told her I was tired of providing for her while she walked all over me. Did I go to an extreme? Yes I did, very much so. Sometimes though, it seems extremes are the only thing that work. When we "talk" she doesn't pay attention, tv is on, there's some sort of timetable b/c of kids or whatever, and so the "conversation" gets rushed and she just rants at me, tells me why I am wrong, and then leaves.

I am very much torn at this point. Deep, deep down I know I still love her, I love the kids and the baby. Deep, deep down I don't want her out of my life. At the same time, I can't keep going with the status quo and from a very real place we would soon not have food, or transportation, or possibly even a house with the way things have been going.

While we are still in the house together, I'm treating her with respect and being polite. I have to b/c if this goes the route of her moving out on her own or if I have to evict then I can't give her ammo against me in court. I also have to b/c I've given the ultimatum, I didn't even end up having an ILYBINILWY talk with her really, and maybe, just maybe she was really trying after she had given me her ILYBINILWY talk...maybe I did royally screw things up.

If I give her respect and I'm polite, but also I'm not the "provider", she'll see what life is really like without me. Either she chooses that life or she chooses to really work on things with me and then I'll do my part. I'll slow my roll and stay away from the intimacy issue. She's already been divorced and she was pretty much set up with WAW syndrom, this time I really did something different and beat the WAW to the punch. Either it's going to work and things are going to turn around and this will be a huge success story...or we are going to part ways as best we can and hopefully learn to set better, reasonable adult, boundaries with future partners.


Please, please, please, if anybody, MrBond or anybody, has anything they want to say go ahead. If you think I'm a douche, a-hole, or d*ck go ahead and tell me. If there's things I did right or wrong go ahead and tell me. If there's stuff still to be done tell me. I think continuing the discussion, no matter how wrong I am, no matter what the outcome of this sitch is, is going to be useful for all involved. Maybe somebody else will read the thread and learn from my mistakes.