Here we go again...

[ericmsant2]

Someguy

Dude I’m sorry that she has taken that approach. It aint over yet though, so don’t waddle in misery and self pity. Yes feel it, but take those feelings and USE them to propel you FORWARD.

TIME is really on YOUR side here….so please try not to think like it is all over – cause it aint!

I've lost confidence.

Your confidence SHOULD not be tied to anybody! You may feel down but you are NOT out of the game.

*Her feelings keep changing from one minute to the next. She said her end decision to split doesn't change, but her feelings towards it change from sad, angry, relieved, etc. Ultimately she feels better now that she's made a decision to split.

Notice that she said “HER FEELINGS KEEP CHANGING”. That’s key dude, cause honestly they could also CHANGE back TOWARD YOU!

*She did ask who I've been talking to because I don't normally talk or behave this way during a conversation and it's weird.

Are you sure that there is no OP in the picture. I am seen (and lived it) where the spouse asked about another person, usually because they have one. It may be time to find out if an OM exist.

*She wanted to know how we would split. She said we have a lot of "stuff" (belongings). She said she doesn't even know where to begin thinking about it because she's so emotionally exhausted. I told her I didn't know.

If she wants the D, then let her do the work. I would not volunteer a thing. That said, YOU too need to determine what YOUR rights are. Is your state a no fault state?

*She said she's conserved about what other people will think. That they'll think she's a bad person that didn't try hard enough.

I hope you did not say anything that would avoid her from facing the GUILT that she is gonna have for bailing on the M. I would not say things like…”No I understand”. I would not say a word to her.

*She said she's stayed this long because of our son. But said that made her a bad wife and a bad mom. She was crabby/impatient with both of us. It also didn't bring her any happiness. She decided it's better to not be selfish and stay because she wants to see her son more. She said it will make everyone happier in the end.

I am not sure I understand the statement “she wants to see her son more”. Does she think that she is gonna stay home and you pay all the bills. Also, notice she wasn’t happy. The biggest thing I see with people is the EXPECTATION that someone ELSE should make them happy. It is an unrealistic expectation. YOU make YOU happy. Yes, someone else can be a part of that but to rely on someone else to make you happy is crazy.

*She said we tried so many times. So many times. We are best friends and we should have just realized that instead of constantly trying to push our relationship into something more than it is. (Our history of breaking up/getting back together is great...)

Maybe dude it is time to GIVE Her what she wants. No no..I am not saying get a D I am saying maybe stop fighting HER and get back to really living for YOU and son. Now may be a good time to DETACH from her.

I suggest the following:

1) Stop talking to her about the D. Please don’t go begging and whining about how you love her, how this will be a burden financially, how you can change, blah blah blah.
2) Leave her alone. Can you take a few days off and break away with your son for a weekend? If so, do it.
3) Stop answering every call and text that she sends within minutes. Let her wait for you to respond and then your responses should be short and to the point.
4) Find out what the laws in your state are on divorce. Does your state have a 90 day “cooling off” period?
5) Sit down and write down what YOU want for YOU.
6) Accelerate doing the things you wanted to do that were on your list.
7) Sit down and come up with a parenting plan. She wants the D okay, well then you are not her personal home aid. Don’t think that doing EVERYTHING in the house is going to show her that you love her and changed. Nope.
8) Try hard not to be an [censored] or a wuss.
9) Make a doctor appt and talk to your doctor. Let him/her know what is going on. If need be they may prescribe some meds to help take the edge off.
10) Do not look sad or depressed. Do not beg or cry. Nope. BE confident.


I’ll check on you Monday.

You will get through this…YOU will survive buddy.