Studies in Feral Cats, part 4

[TSquared2]

Snodderly~Thanks! I have two LBS (left behind siblings...lol) competing for the room...we will see how this all shakes out...no rush. S19 and I became very close once we started backpacking together years ago, had some Mother Nature power bond us (life-threatening stuff does that). He was here tonight just to talk with me...so much he is learning with roommates, the city denizens, etc...I had to keep telling myself to shut-up and just listen (gee, these DB techniques come in handy everywhere). He wanted my old leather jacket and my "thinking" chair, which I got from my dad...oh the analyzing I could do with that... We have a great relationship that can only get better as I get better.

TVS~ Thanks for letting me highjack your thread for a moment...and also your response, I appreciate getting female feedback to help me check reality. I can see why respect is a determinate in attraction. I sometimes wonder if my anger sometimes is just a slipping of respect for W, because I know and have seen she is better than "this" mlc alien...idk.

I do want to thank you for validating me...words like that are so far and few these days, as they are for you. It means so much.

I think your 4 points:

- stop the lying, sneaking around, cheating
- be 100% comitted to ME
- be 100% comitted to our marriage
- recognize and acknowledge how he has hurt me

are also the basis of my "requirements"...I have number 4 pretty much from W, I know how she operates, more would be better, but I know she knows and feels guilty/bad/whatever.

So, I am doing the right things, but getting nowhere fast..just lovely...ok, it is my reality, so just deal with it T...

rH~Your "forthrightness" always makes me smile...an ideal for living...but to answer your questions:
-The fireworks (Though I've been on the shelf over a year)?
Using a completely guy metaphor...sometimes her motor was hard to start, but once it got running, whether mild or wild....omg...holy crap...day-um... Aside from her depressive episodes, I never had a complaint. At all. She is still my "best", and I had an "active young adulthood", and she is my measurement standard, if there is such a thing...

I did lose the "unexpected" man-ness after the first round of A and such in 2009/10...I was so afraid of her leaving, or being unsatisfied, that I can (ugh) say it became sometimes a performance/goal issue to be sure she "O'd" and I did not scare her off if things were not just perfect (and she does have a perfection issue). Of course, now is NOT the time to try that aspect...and just when I got comfortable with it...

So here is the core of this issue for me I think:
This is a fear issue...
I have read that people "re-create" the marital environment they grew up in, I see it in myself with how I would try to control things, and the word "should" was too big a part of my vocabulary, like my dad...

So, W's dad (who s-abused her) had cut-off her Mom from ML, probably he had mlc or something...though he had all his porn mags, and incest "story books", so it wasn't a natural decline of ML interest, but a conscious choice, as he was still into s3x, just not with her Mom (who is the biggest sweetheart in the whole world),some would say this is emotional abuse, and I can see that point of view...and I see that with W and her online/phone/RL interest in s3x, but punishing me by withholding...I can say that, if W wants a sexless M with porn and cybersex and whatever, then that would be a deal breaker.

This is why I try to get other people's thoughts, reality check and to clue me in...I want to understand this. THIS! Whatever it is.

Okay, venting done now T.

Thank you folks, I have no one but you for the most part, as we know we can't let family in too much in case of reconciliation...