Still together but trying to save this

[Denver_2010]

You are correct about the OM. He was a mutual friend of ours. The only thing that I can think of that he has that I don't is my wife. Seriously, I was so caught up in my own head that I didn't spend time enjoying my W and my M. I get that. He was there as a friend like I was in the beginning. They would laugh and have a great time while I was stressing out or avoiding people at home.

Then what is he giving your W that you had not been? I have my thoughts, but I want you to think about this. It is key to understanding.

He is actually a bit of a known womanizer and now apparently a convincing liar too. He has also been the OM in at least 2 relationships now, seems to be his MO. He broke up his most recent fiancee's marriage as well. She was married for a short period of time until he entered the picture. Whatever.

Okay. Well, hopefully your W will see that in time. But you can't control that, make her see it, or expedite it.

Don't focus on OM. Focus on what you CAN control. YOU.

I am exploring other medications as well as traditional psychotherapy. At least I have a stop gap med that helps me if I start to feel this way again.

That is good. They can be very helpful.

I HAVE been going out. Even before my W moved out I was getting out all the time. Since I have aired out my anxiety issues to everyone I have been very social, much like I was a few years ago when I met everyone. That problem has essentially been solved by me admitting to myself that I had this issue.

Do you facebook or use twitter? You GAL for you. So that you feel better. However, I think that when we're also trying to save our M, that we want the WAW to see our GAL. We want to create mystery and curiosity.

One fairly easy way to do that is to post on FB and twitter. But you can't be obvious about it.

And again, I'd always, always be happy and cheerful with all posts or tweets.

Now being happy is another story. I almost started crying when I went to lunch in the restaurant that I asked her father for his permission to marry my W the other day. I have the ability to detach but things like that sneak up on me and I can't help myself. I can certainly fake it, and to be honest I am a much better person and happier person since I have addressed and acknowledged these issues. Just bittersweet since I can't share that with my W.

Nobody expects this to be the best time of your life. We have all been there. GALing and time will help with this. And, like I said, faking it sometimes seems to help. It's almost like we develop habits. A habit of being happy, or a habit of being unhappy. Develop a habit of being happy... even if you don't feel that way in the moment. Make sense?