A friend mentioned that they were surprised Chuck didn't advise me to go more dark. I said I was surprised too. I think from other stories I've read here, that's what either the coach or folks on the forum have advised. I can't tell if it worked or didn't work for them.
Going dark is the LRT (last resort technique). It's called that because it's what you do when everything else has failed. I think a lot of people confuse LRT with detaching, but it's not the same thing. As Michele says in DR, LRT may even be bad for some people because it may be "more of the same" behavior. IE, if you didn't have much contact with your spouse during the M and then you try to implement the LRT, to the spouse it'll just look like more of the same. Detaching is about giving the spouse time and space but doing so in a compassionate and loving way. You give them space, but if they reach out to you you're there for them. LRT is basically cutting off all contact and is done when the LBS thinks there's little or no chance of reconciliation. So it's done to help the LBS separate themselves from the sitch and move on. LRT is not done to get the spouse back (although sometimes it does have that effect), that's what detaching and 180's are for.
Hi Another Stander! Thanks for stopping by.
Yes, I know what LRT is, and how that differs from detachment. H basically said there was no hope for us, and I believe him, although others have said they do see some. So that's why I mentioned being surprised about not being advised to go dark.
H has said that I stopped being his friend, so if I do go dark, I agree it could look more like the same.
