Trying to Save my Marriage

[Cadet]

I have to drop the rope?

YES

Doesn't that mean letting go of hope?

NO!
There can always be HOPE as long as it is within YOU.

So I really should give him what he is asking for and basically ruin his life in the meantime?

No you need to have boundaries to PROTECT YOU.
You do not sacrifice your life and your well being so he can run away.
He needs to be held to the standards of an adult and not protected like a child.
He needs reality to smack him in the face.
You do not do the work so he can get divorced.
Make him do it.
But dont roll over and play dead either.
Show him you have a backbone and can stand up for your rights.