Okay so results in 2 days. I feel a little better since purging thoughts / emotions above. The soot was equally painful for emotional and physical reasons - having to face the truth with another professional (like the the L meeting), he at swabbed me (ouch), and said he's heard and seen a lot worse than what I shared. The nurse who took my blood for the various other tests, encouraged me to "becareful of the girls I run with.". My response, "thanks, but i have a wife.". Oops she felt a bit awkward after that and I gave her reassurance that is was "ok".
So back home, and W is being extra nice. More shared videos, apologizing for the mess (more kid laundry) and making lunch for everyone. I'm going to pretend it's niceness based on love, not guilt. "Think the impossible". Looking fwd to hearing back from everyone, including about my mini breakdown post above.
