3 years aftet D-Day and i finally registet

[Am I Too Late]

I hope you folks are right.

I Pray that i have the strength to go dark for my own emotional well being and find a light at the end of this self imposed tunnel of anxiety and depression and rejection.

I know i screwed up last night.

After she left the wake, right at the end, they had a bagpiper play, Amazing Grace.

That is the song she used to hum to our son when she cradled him in her arms to soothe him to sleep as an infant and very young toddler.

She loved that song. Or so i thought.

I phoned her for her to hear how beautiful it sounded and i think i thought she would reminisce about that loving affectionate time.

Seriously, 90 % of me reacted more to how beautiful it resonated and that she really loved that song.

Honest. The road down memory lane aspect was such a minor thought, and actually was more of an afterthought.

My true reasons don't really matter though.

She soon thereafter texted, "Wth was that for?!"

I called her back and told her i thought it was her favorite song and i thought it meant alot to her.

She said it is a death song for funerals. That her mom used to chastise her for humming it to Little Eddie and that any way except for bagpipes would have been okay. Very short conversation and she accepted and understood why i would have thought it was an appropriate gesture.

This morning she texted again and said, " I accept u tried to do a kind gesture and understand ur reasoning. It came out of the blue and bag pipes makes all the diff. But I'm ok." and next, " Mom used to get mad I hummed that to him cuz it is a funeral song mostly but I like it when played anyway but bagpipes." and then about picking up our son for a 3-4 hour evening visit, " Ill text u later when I'm sure of the time ill be there."

I did not respond, as those were from 6:04 am, and even though i was awake, for this time i listened to your advice.

I did type out a reply, but decided that was good enough as was and i didn't send it.

I keep doing the wrong things, so i am switching to doing nothing at all, except for visitation discussions.

I wanted to call her during her mid-day break, but didn't.

Help me to ONLY concentrate on me and improving my own life, please.

Ed