FTR, I am advocating not just "what I think." I'm advocating what WORKED for me, and what I have seen work most often for OTHERS.
Also, one of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
What MIR has to determine is, IS what he's doing "working" in a REAL sense of the word? Or is his wife just being NICER to him?
I don't believe it is wise to try to judge people by their intentions, only by their ACTIONS. Right now, his wife's actions are clearly WAYWARD, and my advice comes with that as an underpinning.
